:: m a y h e m b y m i s s m ::

le sigh

2009-07-31T20:44:00.002Z

one of the black plastic discs fell off my skirt today...

...and into the toilet.

just like my life.

i work with disgust-oids

2009-07-17T20:23:00.003Z

apparently someone finds sitting on the toilet at work a good time to pick their nose and then fling the contents onto the side of the stall in the ladies' restroom.

i work with classy people.

conversation starter

2009-05-21T20:33:00.002Z

apparently my breasts look great in the top i'm wearing today.
i've had more men than i care have full-on conversations with them.

apparently they are pleased that my left breast is having a good day and that the right one is looking forward to the long weekend.

psa: under the influence

2009-03-30T16:30:00.003Z

a few more items to add to the list of things never to do while under the influence...

flossing

applying make-up

no good can come from either of them after imbibing.

the morning after

2009-03-12T14:48:00.001Z

i woke up to find the following:

blood on my arm

a pirate band-aid on my hand

a pop-up memory of broken glass in my cleavage

ahhh...i love dinner parties.

the songs i just downloaded or how to tell what type of week i anticipate at work

2009-03-09T15:44:00.003Z

to start off this week of work i downloaded three songs:

the all-american rejects' gives you hell

kelly clarkson's my life would suck without you

pink's sober

i REALLY need to stop listening to american top 40 on sundays.

things that full me with rage (just today anyway)

2009-02-10T20:23:00.002Z

- stupid vending machines that can't dispense the right change (i needed that quarter for laundry!)

- facebook making me have to dig out my yearbook to figure out who the hell is asking me to be their friend

- people who can't be bothered to fucking clean up their spills ON TOP of the microwave (never mind what they did inside)

- people who won't refill the fucking printer when it's out of paper (i may or may not have canceled all the jobs of people who were waiting for someone else to refill the paper tray)

- people who stand too close to me while i wait for the train to arrive

- my stupid underwear not covering my fat ass like it should

single girl's guide to cleaning the apartment on short notice for a boy

2008-10-01T15:12:00.003Z

step 1: shove all dirty pots and pans into oven door.

step 2: shut oven door.

step 3: sluttishly wash up all dishes in sink and set out to dry.

step 4: do a vodka shot.

step 5: gather all clean and dirty clothes and shove into closet.

step 6: shut closet door.

step 7: turn on air conditioner and spray febreeze so that the cold air carries it throughout room.

step 8: do a vodka shot.

step 9: do a quick wipe around of sink and toilet.

step 10: hide embarrassing medicines under towels.

step 11: check trash for embarrassing articles.

step 12: do a vodka shot while painting toenails.

step 13: hide quirky dvds and replace with high brow documentaries.

step 14: gather all newspapers and shove under couch.

step 15: towel off sweat and apply perfume to have that "fresh" look.

step 16: do a vodka shot and pretend this is how the apartment always looks.

my secret sin

2008-09-30T16:31:00.002Z

i really like that new pussycat dolls song (when i grow up). so much so, that i actually bought it.

it can live in sin with all my other shameful purchases.

my day so far

2008-09-12T15:00:00.003Z

1:30 am: pass out with green stamp and "smoky" eye makeup still on

6:45 am: alarm goes off

7:30 am: attempt to get up

7:31 am: decide to lay down for a while

7:46 am: review outbox on phone to determine if any inappropriate text messages were sent

7:52 am: decide that i need to get up and get ready for work

8:00 am: actually get up

8:03 am: look in the mirror and decide i need to remember to remove make up before passing out

8:04 am: wonder at how i got eyeliner on my upper arm

8:19 am: remember that i need 3 random pieces of paper before i can leave the house

8:31 am: apartment has been torn apart looking for paper. decide not worth it to attempt to put apartment back together.

8:33 am: find one piece of paper.

8:37 am: decide it's not worth it to find the other two

9:20 am: arrive at work hoping no one will notice that i didn't get all the green stamp off of my hand

thought for today

2008-09-10T22:01:00.001Z

i'm stealing beer from the department's refrigerator to compensate for my lack of pay.

does that make me a genius or just pathetic?

typical night

2008-09-09T19:28:00.001Z

1. drank too much wine

2. drunk text message to someone inappropriate

3. go home and eat sheet cake

4. attempt to read bridget jones' diary while the words swirl in front of my eyes

5. wake up with my pajama top on backwards

ahhhh...monday nights...

photo thursday

2008-07-10T14:18:00.002Z

this is one of my favorite random streets in dc. not really sure why. i guess it has that abandoned, romantic feel to it with the always empty garden attached to some large stone building. i was walking down it one afternoon and the flowers were out and thought it was just rather lovely.

my progression

2008-06-06T13:08:00.003Z

today marks the end of my dog sitting days...
each morning i had to drag myself out of bed and walk the dog.

day 1: i got fully dressed and put on makeup

day 2: i got fully dressed and put on only eyeliner

day 3: sat for a few minutes wondering if i could go out in my pajamas; got fully dressed; no makeup

day 4: decided i needed to really figure out a way to go out in my pajamas and then got fully dressed

day 5: having brought a hoodie from home, i put on pants and hoodie over my pajama top

day 6: went out in pajamas and hoodie; felt a bit bad that i couldn't be bothered to make the effort to get dressed for the public

day 7: went out in pajamas and felt no shame

my new bed companion

2008-06-02T20:01:00.001Z

as soon as i put the blanket on she hopped right up to claim her spot.

i'm not going to survive this week of dog sitting, am i?

still alive (i'm as shocked as you)

2008-05-14T19:55:00.003Z

a few weeks ago i was inspired when i read this article in the post's sunday source.

luckily a friend was willing to assist me in some plant purchasing and whatnot.

and somehow a week and a half later i still have my urban garden to look at each night when i come home from the soul-draining place i call "work."

razor sharp logic

2008-05-13T19:50:00.001Z

e-mail conversation with kbean this morning.

kbean: come be a part of my flip cup team.

me: i suck at flip cup.

kbean: but you do not suck at drinking.

touché, my friend. touché.

inappropriate place to talk about my career ambitions

2008-05-01T18:38:00.001Z

stopping me in the restroom to ask "where do i see myself going career-wise?" will get you a blank stare and me stuttering "i have to pee."

maybe i do have add

2008-04-30T19:25:00.002Z

last week i was called into the bosslady's office to "discuss" something that really is pissing me off.

unfortunately half-way through our "chat" i was totally distracted by her hair. and suddenly her voice went into the voice of one of charlie brown's teachers.

it was one of the days where the amount of rain we were getting was unseemly.

and her hair.

wow.

i spent the rest of the meeting staring at her hair and then wondering if my mine looks like crap as well.

i hate it when people know my name

2008-04-23T15:23:00.003Z

as i was leaving the gym, the guy at the front desk shouted "have a great day, vixen!"

(this would be the same guy who also saw me half naked.)

great.
so not only has he seen me half naked, but he remembers my name the next week.

it's like we're dating.

i like my morning humilation before i get to work. thanks!

2008-04-15T14:29:00.003Z

nothing strikes more fear into me than changing in the locker room at the gym. i don't even like to change in front of my friends, much less strangers. i would like to blame it on the fact that i'm paler than even God intended, but the reality of it is that things that used to ripple now jiggle.

and no one should see that.

so you can imagine the HORROR that ripped through my body as i was changing when i heard a male voice coming from outside the locker room.

"hello????"

[BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!]

i was like a deer in the headlights.
frozen.
unable to breathe.

i had to walk out in a towel and my gym pants to ask him what he needed.
turns out the woman who normally gathers our towels was out and he needed me to go get them. luckily a FULLY-CLOTHED woman came to my rescue and dealt with him.

now, normally i would just like to pretend that nothing happened.
but oh, no. that really can't happen.

as i was walking out the guy who asked for the towels was sitting at the front desk. he shouted so the whole area could hear, "sorry for bothering you while you were changing."

yeahhhh....it's going to be an awesome day.

17 vodkas from around the world!

2008-04-11T19:19:00.003Z

*special thanks to kbean, freshmeat, and orphan for hosting and organizing this!

recently some friends and i came together to do a vodka tasting. everyone brought a bottle to try out. in the end we had 17 vodkas representing 11 countries!

dc sports chick was the official sniffer for the event. i believe the double espresso and the pomegranate were her favorite smells.

there was no real way to go about this tasting...so i started to assign numbers from 1 to 5 based on how much i liked it. deciphering my notes after a few tastings has been a bit tricky...but here it goes...

russia
stoli (peach): peachy peach, more please! 4
russian standard: smells like a potato, 3
smirnoff (passion fruit): yummy, yum! 5

kazakhstan
snow queen: smoother, 4 [i'm not sure what it is smoother than]

ukraine
khortytsa (honey and pepper): oh sweet goodness! have mercy on me! 1

the netherlands
van gogh (double espresso): delicious, 4

sweden
absolut ruby red: tastes just like grapefruit, 3
absolut new orleans (mango and pepper): why is mango and pepper delicious? 4
absolut pears: pear me in the morning! 3
svedka: am i supposed to smell wintermint? 4

iceland
reyka: slightly sweet smell, 4

france
hpnotiq: how do they even pronounce it after a few drinks? 3

england
three olives (pomegranate): smells soooo good! 4

america
square one: so if it's organic then it must be good for me, 4
kbean's tangerine infused home brew: very strong!, 3

israel
peisachovka (kosher): bah! 1

new zealand
42 below (passion): i like the other passion fruit better, 3

favorite flavored vodka: looks like it's a toss up between the three olives pomegranate (bottle was finished), smirnoff passion fruit (a drop was leftover) [runners up are van gogh double espresso and absolute new orleans]

favorite non-flavored vodka: reyka (almost finished the bottle) and snow queen (1/4 bottle is left) [runner up are russian standard and svedka]

favorite mixed drink: smirnoff passion fruit with lemonade (HOLY CRAP! it's the most awesome drink out there! i plan to spend my summer drinking this drink)

favorite question to ask: why does mango and pepper represent new orleans?

favorite thing to say after a tasting: WOOOOO! damn. that was strong. let me try another.

sadly, i was inspired by barney AFTER the tasting to create a bracket and make a sweet 16 for the vodkas. hmmm...there are a lot of vodkas left. maybe an impromptu vodka bracket tasting is in order...

i get the brackets ready.

just in case you were wondering...

2008-03-27T20:21:00.003Z

it IS possible to eat too many cupcakes on your birthday.

maybe it didn't help by eating a large salad for lunch.
hmm....

just thought i would pass that little tip around...

graceful move no. 309,451

2008-03-25T19:26:00.003Z

i'm wearing stockings today.

i used a seat cover for the toilet.

as i stood up i started to hitch up said stockings.

the toilet seat cover started to come up with said stockings...while said seat cover was also falling into the toilet.

i then spent the next five minutes desperately trying to unroll the stockings to get the seat cover out of them while not letting the toilet end of the cover touch me.

sigh.
it's a real delight to know me.

awesome things i heard at a baby shower

2008-03-24T15:33:00.002Z

and no, none of them have to do with a breast pump or swaddling

1. there's going to be a bridesmaid bar crawl. this is the time to pull out that old dress that you were told you can wear again (knowing full well that you never will again) and go out drinking. perfection.

2. something called a "wine club": everyone brings a bottle of whatever grape is picked. put the bottles into numbered paper bags. everyone rates them. the winner gets to pick the next grape. the loser has to host. buggie has already volunteered to host our first one.

best baby shower i ever went to!

heads up

2008-03-21T15:19:00.003Z

the cherry blossoms are in their fluffy white stage outside of work now.

which means...in about one week the cherry blossoms by the tidal basin will be fluffy white.

tough call

2008-03-14T15:24:00.003Z

i'm not sure which thing i was more excited about.

the fact that my double pointed needles arrived so i can finally make some Terminator arm warmers...

or the fact that the vending machine had cheddar jalapeño flavored cheetos.

apparently my faith is starting to show in my work

2008-03-12T20:35:00.001Z

i was just told by a client that the color i choose for their project is "too Christian."

um.

it's soft shade of purple.

because i was looking for a spring/summer color.

yeahhhhh...

i've never seen my stylist so happy

2008-03-10T19:58:00.003Z

so this weekend...i went dark.

very, very dark.

i've always had blonde hair (expect for that period in my life where a former stylist insisted on dying it a poppy red color). i got inspired by a former roommate and decided to chat with my stylist about the possibility of going darker.

before i had even finished the sentence he was shouting "LOVE IT" and running to get the color swatches.

we decided on a color one shade lighter than he had original thought.

when it was all done, my first thought was "holy. crap."

i'm slowly getting used to it.

for the love of all that is holy, put some pants on!

2008-03-05T15:06:00.003Z

lesson i learned this morning:
ALWAYS check your gym bag to ensure that you brought everything you'll need.

sigh.

i forgot to bring pants with me to the gym.
i remembered everything else.
just not pants.

i mean work lets me slide with jeans, but i think even they would frown at me wearing sweaty gym pants to work.

so i had to go back home and find my pants.

instead of getting to work about 20 minutes early, i was 30 minutes late.

i'm so special.

things i learned this weekend

2008-03-04T15:11:00.002Z

1. i find it harder and harder to go out on a friday night

2. i found my first gray hair (it's possible that i've had more, but i've been coloring my hair ever since i came out to the side of the country that has so few sunny days)

3. i cannot drink beer in mass quantities

4. the fourth "waterfall" in the game of "kings" is deadly

5. the game "rock band" is cooler than i thought it would be

6. my jaw will crack at the most unfortunate times

7. throwing everything into my closet is an effective way to clean up before someone comes over unexpectedly

well chop't me

2008-02-29T21:32:00.002Z

the last two weekends i've been tempted by the glossy new salad store that opened up in chinatown (and now also in dupont). it's got itself a cutesy name (chop't) and some AWESOME salads.

both times i've gotten the über-tasty santa fe salad (one of the many that they have on hand), but it's also possible to make your own salad.

there are only three problems with this place.

1) it takes FOREVER to get through the long line to place my salad order. this might have something to do with the fact that i've only been there on the weekend and perhaps they have more staff during the week. but seriously, it shouldn't take me 15 minutes to wait in line, order, and receive my food.

hmmm...maybe i'm spoiled.

they do have the option of calling ahead to place your order...which i would recommend (i do the same with potbelly).

2) they keep on not wanting to put avocado in my santa fe salad. i don't know why they keep forgetting this delicious element when it's listed on the menu. but i have to keep reminding them. so make sure you get everything you should.

3) the price. yikes!! it costs about $8.50 for the salad (comes with a roll). i mean it's awesome if you are on a diet, but this can't become a habit.

regardless, i'll probably be there on sunday to get another salad...

bar louie review

2008-02-27T21:48:00.002Z

so last night a few friends and i attempted bar louie...located in chinatown right by the movie theater.

i totally didn't realize it was game night. but even though it was crowded, we were still able to find a table by the bar (essential for ensuring we get plenty of drinks before happy hour* was over).

we taste tested the following:

dirty ceo martini: so salty and delicious

red apple martini: sweet and good

ultimate margarita: nice and strong

some-ginger-drink-whose-name-i-can't-remember: tasted like ginger (i'm not a fan of ginger)

ferocious kitty: only get if you like watermelon-flavored drinks...which i do

tempature heat margarita: as kbean put it "it tastes like something i once vomited up"

overall, definitely a place i would like to go back for...maybe to try out their loaded tater tots....mmmm...

*all specialty/martini drinks are $6 and beer was $3

another item to add to the list of things that freak me out when i've been drinking

2008-02-25T15:17:00.003Z

running into a coworker when:

a. i've been drinking a few

b. i'm in a liquor store buying a few more

c. they are in there buying a handle of gin and trying to crack jokes with me

losing it

2008-02-19T16:34:00.001Z

i swear.

i can't even form the sentences to describe how much a certain person can sit there and suck it.

SUCK IT HARD, BITCH!

i don't think i'm going to survive this project.

and what really sucks, is how much i was looking forward to it...

things i learned last night

2008-02-15T16:11:00.002Z

1. playing music loudly only makes me think people are trying too hard to attract "young" people

2. my hair looked awesome

3. kbean and i were some of the youngest people there

4. spending all my lunch money to get into a second location was one of my better financial plans

5. that nasty free shot never gets better no matter how many times i try it

6. there are A LOT of people out dancing on valentine's day

7. my tolerance has suddenly vanished

8. i need to stop calling friends and talking nonsense

9. i can lose two pounds by drinking loads of vodka

10. i can put on a pound by drinking some water

episode from the office?

2008-02-14T16:01:00.001Z

never suggest to a girl that you want to have a weekend getaway together the day before valentine's day...and then not even send her a crappy e-card on valentine's day.

thank goodness i'm going out drinking tonight...

let's try NOT to confuse the little people

2008-02-12T15:09:00.001Z

example: bosslady telling you to do something one way...then review your work and scold you for not doing it a COMPLETELY different way.

dressing for failure

2008-02-07T14:35:00.000Z

sigh.

i only noticed these things when i was at the gym this morning...and of course i have a meeting today.

1. the sweater i so carefully ran a lint roller over somehow magically became covered in lint by the morning

2. i forgot to pack work shoes

3. none of my (BLACK) work shoes happened to be at work

i'm now wearing (tan) brown shoes with an all-black linty outfit.

i've been brainwashed by work

2008-02-05T20:19:00.000Z

i spent my entire morning metro ride in looking at some guy working on a design for a card.

these were my thoughts as i looked his design over.

hmmm...doesn't he think it's hard to read blue on a black background?
does he have to use that font?!?
interesting effect, but it really doesn't help with the readbility?

sigh.
i need a life outside of work.

stupid metro

2008-02-01T16:05:00.000Z

what the hell?!?!

no one could get their smartbenefits or use their credit or debit cards at my station this morning.

hello?!?!

thank goodness i had change on me so i could at least get to work.
others weren't so lucky.

and apparently it wasn't just my station...when i got to my stop for work, those fucking machines were having the same problem.

so thanks metro for raising the rates and still having the same crappy service.

i'm going to come sick to all my meetings now*

2008-01-31T17:54:00.000Z

*as soon as everyone in the meeting realized that i was getting sick, they all moved away from me. heh.

first off, i dragged myself in a day early to get prepared for this meeting. why? because the person we are meeting with is INSANE and the higher-ups don't want this meeting to drag on and on.

translation: i spent two hours trapped in a room with people.

my main task, to put it as dully as possible, was to take the person's list of images that they wanted to use and put xeroxes (or the real image when i had it) into a binder. this can be a bit of a problem when her list will read something like "view of bay" and you have three slides that may all be view of some bay.

sigh.

anyways, during this two-hour meeting the person pulls out a NEW (MOTHERFUCKING) list of images she wants to use. i then spend the rest of yesterday and today cross-checking both lists only to find that she has dropped TWENTY-NINE of her images from the old list and has added THIRTY-FIVE new images (keep in mind that we are in the process of ordering off her old list and some of the now dropped images are actually here).

what the hell?!?!

sadly, i'm not allowed to beat her senseless.

AND!
the higher-ups let her get away with it.

well, until i sent them a list and pointed out what a effed up person she is to do this shit to us.

i don't think i hid my discontentment from her very well...or from bossman either.
eh.

housebound for days

2008-01-29T17:18:00.001Z

things i learned while taking copious amount of nyquil...

1. i can watch the entire fourth season of mi-5 in one day.

2. nyquil gives me fucked up dreams (no one should dream about traveling with two ex-boyfriends, their sister, and their mother...in paris)

3. there is now a plate-spinner / juggler in the background on jerry springer. when did this happen?

4. daytime tv still blows donkey balls. but daytime tv + nyquil = sleeping pill

5. by the third day, i'm so desperate for the sound of another person's voice that i will drag myself down the street so i can sit in kbean's house and watch footballer's wives with her...while we both sniffle.

6. if i don't reposition myself ever so often, the couch will reform around my ass creating a dent

7. the importance of having daytime pajamas to change into

8. the postman comes at 2 pm during the week

9. sometimes doing several facial masks as a way to pass the time is not a good idea

10. taking out the trash is essential if one doesn't want to be buried under a pile of tissues

plie this

2008-01-24T15:35:00.000Z

best quote from the class: i definitely didn't wear the right underwear for this class.

i think this class has a lot of potential and it will probably be the only gym "class" i take this winter...if for no other reason than i like to embarass myself in front of strangers (nothing like kicking across a room to make you bound with other graceless people).

my major complaint would have to be her lack of a playlist. she spent a good portion fliping through her cds trying to find a cd that worked. ugh.

but i'm curious to see how she plans on taking a much of gawky people and turning them into graceful gazelles.

and so much for not working up a sweat...i woke up this morning with my legs and stomach aching.

why i keep all my work e-mails

2008-01-23T14:55:00.000Z

imporant person from another department phoned me with a request...

ipad: i'm trying to track down those word docs that transcribed an interview i had with blah-blah-blah. i can't find them and i was hoping you had them.

me: ummm...i'm not sure i worked on that project.

ipad: it would have been from fall of 2005.

me: yeah. i wouldn't have kept them after passing them along to you. i'm just the middle man. have you tried checking with the Grand Fromage?

ipad: well, i checked all my e-mail looking for something from you and i don't have it. could you try to find the name of the transcriber?

me: um...
::pause::
okay.

sadly, i did find the e-mail with all the word docs...

it's only tuesday and this week is already too long

2008-01-22T20:40:00.000Z

sigh.

can i leave for happy hour yet?

my morning so far

2008-01-18T14:41:00.000Z

6:00 am: woke up an hour before my alarm went off

6:05 am: drag myself out of bed to take some aspirin

6:06 am: see myself in the bathroom mirror and thank goodness that no one "gets" to see me in this state

6:15 am: trying to will my body back to sleep

6:30 am: wonder if i should turn on the tv to lull me back to sleep

6:35 am: wonder if i can physically drag myself out of bed to get some water

6:36 am: decide i cannot

6:40 am: turn on the office dvd hoping to at least entertain myself before i get up

6:58 am: my first alarm goes off

7:05 am: my second alarm goes off

7:15 am: know i need to get up but am physically incapable of doing that

7:20 am: doze off

7:40 am: decide i really need to get up and face the day

8:00 am: get out of bed

8:03 am: text message from freshmeat telling me how much she hates life this morning. i write back "my stomach hates life."

8:42 am: leave the house for work

9:25 am: roll into work*

*no one notices and if they did i would blame metro

guys beating the crap out of each other

2008-01-14T15:46:00.000Z

on saturday i attended my very first hockey game.

q: so what finally inspired me to go to one?
a: hot guys carrying guns*

freshmeat, another friend, and i all trucked it out to reston for the game. sadly our seats didn't command a good view of one of the goals, but overall it was a good time.

and then it became a really AWESOME time.

a fight broke out.
i don't know what it is...something...animalistic...but it was so fucking hot watching them beat the crap out of each other.

sigh.

i'll definitely consider going to another game.

*it was the fbi vs secret service game. rawr!

day 10 in the land where a gallon of gas costs 39 cents

2008-01-11T19:33:00.000Z

freshmeat: there's a spring up my ass!

today we were being picked up by the company and taken to the places they listed on their tour but failed to tell our guide to take us to. then, to really piss us off, they come an hour earlier than they said they would.

::squinty eyes::

anyway...

our first stop is at the royal palace of el montazah...this is where the residency of the egyptian president is...along with some beautiful gardens. our guide waas very concerned that we got ALL the photos we needed. he would stop the van so we could get out, we would take the photos, hop back into the van, and van would go about 5 feet and the whole process would start all over again.

lucky, lucky us.

our next stop was the roman amphitheater. it was interesting...but almost impossible to get nice photos with tourists in all of them.

and finally, we started the drive back to cairo.

when we got back we were able to meet up with the british couple and have a few last drinks with them before they got on a plane to their next destination in their around-the-world trip (india). and we got to dump some of our unused items onto them (toilet paper, iodine, and the like).

it was definitely weird to think that we only had one more day left. and that we wouldn't see the british couple again. they definitely made our trip a lot of fun.

and i'll never think of speedos in the same way again.

trying to put the "sin" in"single"

2008-01-07T19:44:00.000Z

sigh.

you know what is difficult when you live alone in a tiny apartment?

flipping your fucking mattress.

i got the bruises to prove it.

the shower in our AWESOME hotel room in alexandria

2008-01-04T17:45:00.000Z

there is nothing to shield the water from going EVERYWHERE in this tiny hotel bathroom.

day 9 in the land where you can buy beer from some guy in a place called "drinkies"

2008-01-03T20:24:00.000Z

freshmeat: if i was sober, i don't think i would eat this.

ahhh...our unexpected free day in alexandria. sadly we don't know what to do with ourselves. so we decided to let ourselves sleep in (needed after MANY early morning sightseeing trips!) and watch horrible, horrible western movies. unfortunately housekeeping comes by while we are still in our pajamas. as she speaks very little english, i attempt to ask her to come back in 15 minutes...in my very little arabic.

it doesn't work.

translation: our room is never cleaned.

the alexandria library doesn't open until 3 so we have hours to kill. one of my guide books suggests a walking tour. we need to walk to the center of town to start it. luckily, the street has underground passages so we don't have to fear for our lives crossing it (we wanted to walk on the beach side). sadly, when we got to the center of town there was no underground passages.

we used a local as a shield.
he was willing.

we had lunch in an art deco building...stumbled our way to a beautiful synagogue (it's closed and my book said it would only be open to people of the faith. but as soon as they saw us, they came running out...we left before we had to take a tour). we continued walking to get to some bank that was supposed to have amazing architecture on the inside...only to realize it was closed (it was saturday).

sigh.

so eventually we wasted enough time and we went to the library. wow. truly awesome! so beautiful on the inside. the guided tour lasted about 10 minutes, but was very informative. afterward, we went to the cafe and sat on the terrace and watched a bunch of men in uniforms (spanish navy?) walk around as a huge group taking photos at every vantage point.

as the sun started to set, we started the trek back to our hotel. along the way we passed a man sitting in a small store that only sold beer (just him, a ledger to record how much was bought, and a small display case of beer). it's name was "drinkies." we went back and stocked up for the night. we were especially excited to try the 10% beer.

we spent the night drinking and watching movies. at one point we became hungry and i went down in search of "pizza." whatever was delivered to our door 40 minutes later was...under-cooked...but festively wrapped up in ribbons (with plenty of ketchup).

i still to this day don't know why they serve ketchup with pizza.

read between the lines

2008-01-02T20:25:00.000Z

a conversation i had with the bossman this afternoon about the layout of an ad

me: they wanted me to switch these two items. but i don't think it works. i like the original layout.

bossman: yeah. you need to tell them that this won't work. at all.

::pause::

bossman: this sucks.
::pause::

bossman: but don't tell them that exactly.

things i realized this holiday season

2007-12-31T16:48:00.000Z

1. spending time with my family makes me VERY excited to come back to work.

2. my mother apparently did tequlia shots with my brother at some point.

3. i hate cold weather.

4. it's been 10 years since i've seen my father.

5. i haven't been the town's mattress enough times.

6. drinking after abstaining for so long will cause me to wake up at 3 am with a headache.

7. i really can't drink beer like i used to (too many trips to the restroom).

8. i need more practice with darts if i ever expect to compete with freshmeat.

9. eating copious amounts of reese's pieces after ingesting a lot of beer perhaps isn't the best choice i can make for myself.

10. as much as i depise this city for what it is, i'm actually happy to live so close to so many good friends.

lesson from last night

2007-12-20T17:39:00.000Z

never attempt to watch either a french film with subtitles or wrap presents after ingesting half a pitcher of margaritas...and some other drinks.

lesson of the day

2007-12-20T14:09:00.000Z

never, ever attempt to put on makeup with only a few hours of sleep.

sigh.

it's going to be a long day.

day 8 in the land of a thousand satellites for each house

2007-12-10T18:56:00.000Z

freshmeat: fucking athens.
me: um...we aren't in athens.
freshmeat: it feels like it.

today we head from cairo for a 3 1/2 hour drive north to alexandria...which is much more a greco-roman city than an ancient egyptian city.

our itinerary said that we were being driven there and had the rest of the day free. the following day we would be picked up and driven to the catacombs, pompey's pillar, and the royal palace of El Montazah. the day after that, we would check out of our hotel, and be taken to see the library, the amphitheater, and the Fort of Qait-Bay.

what this translated to: driven to alexandria and taken to catacombs, pompey's pillar, the fort, and attempted to go to the library (it was closed). we were done by noon. they planned to leave us on our own for the next few days until they came to pick us up after we checked out.

uh-motherfucking-huh.

luckily our tour guide was pissed off for us and got on the phone with the company and the solution was that they would take us to the royal palace and the amphitheater the day we checked out of the hotel. so this meant that we had a full day all to ourselves with nothing planned. they suggested we take the 20-minute tour of the library.

sigh.

anyways...our first day there.

we start off at the catacombs (who doesn't like looking at where dead people were laid to rest?!). it's interesting to note that alexandria is basically sinking. the catacombs would be mostly filled with water if they weren't constantly pumping them out. also the big thing to do there is underwater sightseeing. you scuba dive to see such wonders as cleopatra's palace.

after that we saw some chickens digging through a huge pile of trash on the side of the road. on the other side of the road was an eatery...hmmm....

then off to see pompey's pillar (so named because they thought pompey was buried in or near it...with the head in the top of the column [regardless of the pillar is about 300 years after his death]).

it's a pillar....and some columns.
we didn't spend too much time there.

then off to see the Fort of Qait-Bay...built on the spot thought to be where the Lighthouse used to be (one of the 7 ancient wonders of the world). it was actually a very nice day. lots of locals were fishing...and lots of them wanted photos.

moving on.

then off to the Library...only to find that it wasn't going to open for another 3 hours (hmmm...shouldn't the company have known that before sending us there). so our guide suggests lunch (hooray!).

he takes us to this place...definitely not for tourists. the menus are all in arabic. he asks us to trust him.

more food than an entire family of 8 could ever possible have eaten was placed in front of us.

i had to be rolled out of there.

afterward we were taken to (what turned out to be crap) hotel.
got into my pajamas and watched the very first rain storm i had seen the entire time i had been in egypt.

my liver may never be the same again

2007-12-07T14:18:00.000Z

freshmeat has her cousin in town and i've been tagging along to help entertain her.

almost EVERY SINGLE night this week.

monday: margaritas at lauirol plaza followed up with cosmos at larry's lounge

tuesday: beer at rocket bar meeting up with an idiot (non-freshmeat night)

wednesday: drinks at fox & hound

thursday: margaritas at lauriol plaza (with a coworker), drinks at millie & al's, and then dancing at heaven

friday: martinis at russia house

i'm not going to make it out alive.

day 7 in the land where they serve ketchup with pizza

2007-12-05T19:06:00.000Z

freshmeat: i'm sorry. wait. no, i'm not.

today we went to the over-stuffed Egyptian Museum in Cairo. we weren't allowed to take photos once we were inside. but the place is a mess. works are placed haphazardly within a room. but if you ignore all that you are really surrounded by some rather remarkable works (with the occasionally pointed remark from the guide about certain pieces being abroad [most notably in the British Museum]).

after that we were taken to The Citadel in the center of Cairo. it gives a very (smoggy) view of Cairo (the Giza Pyramids can be seen in the distance...once you penetrated the smog).

after that we were taken to The Hanging Church (which was where our guide attended services when he was a child). The insides of Coptic churches are beautiful.

and that was it...the next day we leave for Alexandria...

it's like they just don't know me

2007-12-04T14:36:00.000Z

phone call from someone in our event planning department to me early this morning

event planning person: hey, i know it's early to ask this question. but do you like wine?

me: [trying to contain the laughter] um...hells yeah.

epp: okay. that's all i needed to know.

day 6 in the land that uses flimsy toilet paper

2007-11-30T21:22:00.000Z

freshmeat: don't be french.

ahhhh...this was a day i had been looking forward to. the day we visit the valley of the kings, queens, and the temple of hatshepsut.

unfortunately this was also one of the hottest days we had experienced. at one point the guide stops us to give us a history lesson right as the sun is beating down on us...when 10 feet away there was shade.

so our first stop is the valley of the kings...located on the west bank of luxor (remember the ancient egyptians buried their dead in the west and lived in the east [sun rises in the east and sets in the west]). your ticket in allows you to visit three tombs. my guide book recommended the top 3 to visit. i didn't see any of them. the guide showed us to three others.

yeahhhhh...

on a side note, our guide's finance is also a tour guide and we ran into him at the valley of the kings.

to visit the tomb of tutankhamon was an additional 100E£...and all the good pieces were at the Cairo Museum so we decided to skip it.

the tombs were so humid. everyone was dripping with sweat by the time we reemerged into the sunlight. the first tomb we went to some woman was having a spiritual "moment." she had collapsed to the ground sobbing at the spot where the mummy would have been. others were around her chanting and whatnot.

the group decided to skip the valley of queens as they are not that impressive...so we pressed on to the hatshepsut's temple (see the photo above). she was egypt's first female ruler. and she's also the only woman to have a burial complex in both the valley of the kings and queens.

and then off to see the Colossi of Memnon.

and that was it. we were free for the rest of the day until they picked us up to take us to the train station for our overnight train back to Cairo.

so we passed the time with going to the post office (where you are expected to shove in front of others to get served), shopping, being called Spice Girls by the men of Luxor, drinking tea for hours at the market, then getting wasted at a place that overlooks the luxor temple.

once we were settled on the train we began a drunken game of battleships with the british couple we were traveling with, got scared by the train toilet, put on every piece of clothing i had to stay warm, and got yelled out for being too noisy.

i learned that train traveling in egypt is always best when you've had 4 or 5 beers in you.

day 5 in the land where my breasts swelled to an unnatural size*

2007-11-26T19:40:00.000Z

freshmeat: i'm ignoring it. it's the american way.

the night before we disembarked from the cruise, the british couple took us to a "cocktail" bar that was just a few ships down (where we docked there wasn't enough room so we had to walk through 3 other boats before we came to the actual dock. remember this for later). not only was the beer 10 E£ (roughly $1.80), but the restroom was clean. awesome.

so as we are sitting there getting more and more drunk, i remember that i had to go back to the ship to purchase something (as did freshmeat, but i riffled through her wallet so she didn't have to leave). so the husband of the couple offered to walk back with me. we step through all three boats only to realize that our boat is no longer docked there. we were staring at the black nile. luckily one of the crew told us that the boat had moved, but didn't tell us how far down (turned out it was just the next boat over). but nothing will ever be like the drunken panic i felt when i realized the boat was no longer where it was supposed to be.

anyways, fast forward to the next morning, where all four of us can barely stand the thought of having to see yet another temple.

we were seeing two that day.

the first was one i had REALLY been looking forward to seeing: Karnak. it's massive! sadly our guide only took us through HALF of it. pissed didn't even begin to describe how i felt. but regardless, the half i did see was so impressive. there is still paint on the bits of ceiling that is still left! how crazy is that?

after that we were taken to the Luxor temple. the site even has a mosque from the 12th century (under restoration). are starving and tired. so perhaps we didn't give the site the attention we should. of course our guide took us all the way to the back to show us a drawing of a pharaoh with a VERY extended hum-a-hum (yeah, i totally took a picture of it...i'm just that klassy).

once we were back i went out to purchase some water from a shop that advertise it cheap. what a mistake. what should have taken me about 5 minutes was more like 10. the guy tried to sell me everything from "gin, whisky, beer" to an earring. luckily i didn't need to go back. ever.

that evening freshmeat and i ventured out to find this koshari place that was supposed to be awesome. what ended up happening was us in the dodgy part of town, no english signs, no westerns...just us and the locals. we never found the shop, but we did find another take away restaurant (i won't even explain the horrors of trying to uncap the soda bottle at the hotel without something to pop it). on our way back we found this spice shop, where i bought some mixture of spices (still not sure...black pepper with chili powder and cinnamon?).

i ended the night with logging onto the internet to check e-mail.

it was like manna to my soul.

*seriously. when i saw the photos of myself, all i could do was stare at my chest and wonder what happened.

day 4 in the land where honking the car horn can mean several things

2007-11-23T17:37:00.000Z

freshmeat: gross. he was just standing there molesting his man boobs. AND there was hair coming right out of his nipple like an octopussior! bah!

ahhh...overnight on the boat. the germans were whooping it up at the "after dinner party." we decided to skip it after briefly checking in on it.

that morning we set off to the Temple of Horus at Edfu (one of the best preserved temples in egypt). we had a slight hiccup with being told one thing (by the Aswan rep) and another thing happening (with the Edfu tour guide). anyways, we have another amazing race moment as we are taken to the site via horse-drawn carriage...as is EVERYONE else on EVERY ship that is docked there.

eventually we make it there.

i will say that it is awesome. but it's also 7 am and i'm getting a little tired of all this rushing around to see yet another temple. but regardless it was awesome to see in person. rather beautiful in the morning light.

and we are back to the ship by 8:30 am (they really do rush you through some of these sites)...and sailing down the nile by 9.

we were supposed to have made a stop in Kom Ombo but the ship's captain was concerned that they wouldn't make it to the Esna lock in time. so our thought was "shouldn't the tour company put us on a different boat??" as you can see we were getting more and more frustrated with the tour company. but we decided to make the best of it and drink all our beer.

freshmeat had attracted the attention of a certain moroccan man our first night on the boat. we were sitting outside watching the world float by, when we comes up to us and starts speaking in french. i haltingly tell him (in french) that we don't understand french. he proceeds to continue talking to us in french. eventually he sees that we really don't understand and switches to english. he tells us that he thought we (really he was just talking to freshmeat by this point) were moroccan as "some moroccan women have blonde hair and are pale." hmmm...

eventually we get away from him (but not after watching him molest his man boobs (he was shirtless). later on, freshmeat looks over and then quickly looks back at me and informs me that he was filming her. he then comes over and tells her that he was filming her.

we quickly fled back to our cabin to hide until dinner.

day 3 in the land of no trash cans

2007-11-21T14:34:00.000Z

me: shit. i forgot to pay my rent.

this day we had to be up packed, checked out, and ready for a 3 hour bus ride to Abu Simbel (pictured above)...by 3:30 am.

we were not happy campers.

on the plus side, we did get to see the sunrise over the desert...which was freakin' amazing (to say the least). nothing like being surrounded by nothing to really enjoy a sun rise.

to get to Abu Simbel, one has to travel in a security convoy with a lot of other buses filled with tourists from the hotels. the convoy usually sets off each day at about 4:30 am (i was told 4 am). we get to the site, and all the drivers are outside smoking, waiting for the signal to start. so everyone inside our minibus offloads to have a smoke break. suddenly, without any warning, all the drivers are racing back to their vehicles yelling at everyone to get in. it's like the Amazing Race. Everyone is driving at reckless speeds, passing everyone they possibly can. our driver seem to take personal offense when anyone passed him.

and yes, there were roadblocks.

eventually, we make to Abu Simbel...one of the first 10 buses to make it there.

we are told we have 2 hours at the site and then we have to leave.

and that's it.
no direction on which way is the entrance or anything.

freshmeat and i trudged along hoping that a large group would know where they are going. eventually we just guessed and off we went.

luckily we choose correctly.

freshmeat had us race to the site. i'm glad she did. there was basically no one there. one of the few times on this trip we actually got a photo of something without 10 million tourists in it.

this site was something i had really been looking forward to...and it did not disappoint. it was just amazing. truly and utterly amazing. i really recommend anyone who goes to egypt to put in the extra time to come see it (there's an airport there if you don't want to take the bus).

the only problem is, we didn't have a guide...so we were basically done in about 30 minutes. and now we had to kill another 90 minutes before the bus would leave.

yeah...not pretty.

another 3 hour drive back...and we were immediately picked up by the tour company and transferred to the our "5-star" cruise ship. this is where we learned that all the drinks were not included in our meals and they were ridiculously overpriced.

luckily the british couple we were traveling with had just bought take-away beers from a local restaurant. so we set off there to buy beer and water (we had our priorities).

the boat set sailed that afternoon...and i was officially sailing down the nile.

day 2 in the land of no shower curtains

2007-11-19T19:39:00.000Z

freshmeat: look. i think those flies are having sex on our table.
me: good for them.

ahhh...a lovely 14-hour overnight train ride (slower than amtrack)...arriving in Aswan.

we were picked up at the station and transferred to our hotel. after an hour of getting ready, we were whisked off to the glory that is the Unfinished Obelisk. here we learned how obelisks were carved from the living rock and eventually shipped down the river to various temples.

next we were taken over to see the marvel that is the Aswan Dam.

then a quick boat trip to one of the islands to see Philae Temple (pictured above). this was one of the sites that was moved stone by stone as it was mostly underwater.

and then back to the hotel, where we are informed that we would have to be packed up, checked out, and ready to leave the next morning at 3:30 to catch the security convoy that goes to Abu Simbel.

we had dinner at a nice riverside restaurant where i tried kofta. mmmm....who doesn't love minced meat?!

tomorrow: the amazing race!

day 1 in the land where orange fanta is king!

2007-11-16T16:20:00.000Z

freashmeat: you're riding a camel tomorrow. get your head in the game.

after traveling for what felt like days, freshmeat and i arrived at the cairo airport (our first order of business was to find a restroom. unfortunately we didn't see one until after we went through passport control). our tour rep was there and waiting for us as we got off the plane. he quickly put one of us in line for passport control and the other one went to buy visas. he then left us saying he would meet us at baggage claim.

after passport control, freshmeat and i spotted a restroom and dashed over to it. this old woman gets up and toddles in ahead of us. both of us thought it was a single stall kind of thing and hesitated. she looked back and motioned us in. freshmeat and i about lost it. the first stall was nothing but a hole in the ground.

next the old woman whips out a roll of toilet paper and hands me a mound that was as large as my head.

luckily the other two stalls had actual toilets. i then proceed to spend a solid 5 minutes fumbling around trying to flush the damn thing. i got mine to work first. freshmeat was thinking "fuck, if vixen figured it out, then surely i should!" she turns a knob and is suddenly his with a spray of water. there's a shower in there as well.

eventually we get to our hotel and check in. we are told we need to be up and checked out of the hotel by 7 am to start the tour.

the next day we get to see the wonder of Sakkara (or Saqqara), the beauty of Giza, and the amazement of Memphis (i'm having issues with blogger and posting more than one photo...the one above is from my camel trek in the "desert.").

i even got to practice my arabic when i ordered two falafels for lunch (the woman smiled at me and said something to effect of "awww...how cute.").

after all this we come back to the hotel for a run down of our whole tour with the rep, a bit of late lunch/early dinner, and then we hang around waiting to be picked up to be taken to the train station. we were booked on an overnight train to Aswan.

what was supposed to be a 12-hour train ride, turned into a 14-hour one.

and i don't want to think about why our seats were stained red.

stop over in london

2007-11-15T20:40:00.000Z

on our way over to egypt, freshmeat and i had a 10-hour layover in london.

we used our time wisely....went to weatherspoon for breakfast (joined by others for their morning pint), hit up harrod's for some ornaments, and then over to the tate modern to take a look at the crack.

very impressive.

i especially liked the fact that there were no signs warning you...no velvet ropes to prevent the stupid from falling into it.
we need more of that over here.

and yes, i do have a photo of me pretending to fall into it.

i'm back from the land of public nose picking

2007-11-14T20:33:00.000Z

it's still amazing that just yesterday i was in egypt. i desperately need some caffeine...

cairo made me sad.
aswan made me angry.
luxor made me dirty.
alexandria made me lazy.

it's awesome to be back!

out of here, suckas!

2007-10-31T15:50:00.000Z

i arrive in london tomorrow at 6 am (10 hour layover to see the crack at the tate modern and pick up an ornament) and then in cairo at 11 pm.

i may never come back if freshmeat gets her way and trade me for a camel.*

see you guys on november 14th!

*i think i'm worth two camels.

it's always a dragtastic time!

2007-10-31T14:29:00.000Z

wow.
the race was awesome last night (i can tell because i woke up with a raw throat and a bruise on my shin).

i took something like 120 photos last night. while most of them were crap, there were some gems.

special thanks to leagalbean for getting us champagne and coffee cups to drink while waiting for the race to start.

check flickr for more images...

it's dragtastic!

2007-10-30T21:04:00.000Z

don't forget tonight is the annual high heel race in dupont!

don't miss out on the fun!

BBAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

2007-10-30T18:27:00.000Z

i'm totally unprepared for this trip.

the high in aswan is 101.

101, people!!!!

i don't have clothes for 101 temperature.

i have pants...and 1 skirt i had planned on packing.

fuuuuuuuuuuck meeeeeeeeee.

any then it hits you

2007-10-29T15:25:00.000Z

i leave in two days.

TWO DAYS!

i mean, i still have stuff to do...things to launder...trash to empty out...vcr to program!

arabic to learn!!!

BAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

being at work on a sunday

2007-10-28T18:16:00.000Z

so depressing.

of course i didn't start the day off well.

1. my dvd clock jumped back an hour thanks to they daylight savings feature. unfortunately it's a week early. so i woke up confused as to what time it really was.

2. something horrible spilled in my fridge.

3. the heat is definitely not on in my building, but i got to spend most of the morning listening to maintenance try to fix it (apparently the pilot light keeps going out). whatever they were doing was causing my whole apartment to shake. i thought i was home in california during a quake.

4. realized that my new travel bag has too many pockets as it took me 5 minutes to realize just where i had "safely tucked away" my badge.

things i'm doing to improve my day.

1. reviewing amusing text messages.

2. confirming my hair really doesn't have any split ends and it's still totally flat from this morning's styling.

3. subtly rearrange things in gfb's office so she goes crazy trying to find a pen monday morning

4. going home to get back in my pajamas and eat a donut

two things i learned last night

2007-10-26T14:10:00.000Z

after drinking half a bottle of wine...

1. i can actually hold a conversation with my mother without her breaking into tears.

2. i cannot successfully put on makeup.

my work e-mails

2007-10-23T14:46:00.000Z

hmmm....i've noticed that i'm using "fuck" more and more in my work e-mails.

i wonder if this is an indication of a problem...

two things i learned this morning

2007-10-22T15:58:00.000Z

1. i just realized i put my underwear on inside out

2. i'm too lazy to attempt to remedy the situation

my new gym nemesis

2007-10-22T13:17:00.000Z

i prefer going to the gym in the mornings to the evenings. i have a better shot at getting on a machine i know how to function...AND it doesn't cut into my drinking time.

this also means that you start to see the same people over and over again.

there's the nice mom-like person who is always up for a chat.
the sweaty guy who runs the entire time i'm there.
the crazy shin girl who i only see on the stairmaster.
and now, my new nemesis: girl who wears all her makeup and works out for only 15 minutes.

i swear the first time i saw this girl, i had just finished showering after my workout and walked over to my locker to see her reapplying her mascara and checking out how she looks. now i'm all for not looking like i a washed up dishrag when i'm out in public, but after a workout, i'm completely red and sweaty. there's just no way around it. but there's something INSANE about women who feel they need to workout in complete warpaint. seriously?!?!? who are you hoping will be there to check you out?

but the worse is that she was "done" with her workout 15 minutes later and ready to go home.

i ran into her again this morning...again with full makeup (it's 7:30 am and there are 10 people in the gym). i saw her back in the locker room 20 minutes later. she was done.

this better not be a trend, because i'm so screwed...

even in my dreams i suck

2007-10-19T13:04:00.000Z

i've listened to so much arabic over the last few weeks that i'm actually starting to dream a bit in arabic.

but even in my dreams i have no idea what anyone is saying...

mercy on us all

2007-10-17T15:22:00.000Z

i'm cleaning out my office today.

i suddenly realized that i really didn't have any work.

and i am leaving for a few weeks...wouldn't it be nice if people could find what they needed while i was away?

corn as far as the eye can see

2007-10-16T13:05:00.001Z

this is how i spent my saturday evening...trapped in a corn maize with that girl and freshmeat.

it was a miracle i made it out alive...

why bother me?!?

2007-10-15T14:04:00.000Z

text message i received from some guy i used to date:
"hey, how've you been?"

there are many things wrong with this message (well...really with him in general):

1. we dated briefly two years ago

2. he didn't want anything serious

3. i stopped taking his calls

4. he was lousy to make out with

why the hell get in touch with me almost two years after we have talked?!?

what a jackhole.

i kept my flower all night long

2007-10-12T14:52:00.000Z

last night i tested out a spot for my happy hour rotation: russia house lounge & restaurant

first impressions
freshmeat: it smells like vomit
me: i think it smells like cheese
basementgirl: no, it just smells old
webboy: where's the drink menu?

happy hour specials
all house martinis are $7 until 7

drinks tested
dirty queen (luga-nova cinnamon, olive juice, olives): totally a winner! so delicious and salty! can't taste the cinnamon

pink panther (vodka, triple sec, sour mix, club soda, cranberry): a bit on the sweet side, but verrrry tasty

mango martini (mango-orange-pineapple vodka infusion, fresh mango puree, fresh raspberry puree, cream): looks really beautiful; definitely tasted better than i thought it would (i've been off mango drinks since a certain incident involving mango mixer and tequila)

red velvet punch (raspberry vodka, mandarin vodka, orange juice, lemonade, grenadine): wow! tasty! more please!

russian apple (vodka, green apple liquor, splash of pineapple): totally delicious and something to start off with if you aren't feeling too adventurous

sputnik (vodka, peach schnapps, orange juice, fresh cream): so pretty! the bartender drew a flower into the top layer of cream! oh, and it was delicious

vodka shots tested
russian garant "pickle-garlic": i didn't taste anything really, but freshmeat swears there was a garlic taste to it. i was much more excited by the pickles we got to eat after the shot. incredibly smooth!

stolichnaya blueberry: eh. not really one i enjoyed (basementgirl volunteered to finish mine off). but everyone else really liked it.

overall conclusion
while, i did perhaps open a broom closet on my way back from the restroom in a vain attempt to figure out how to get back to the bar, i got to say the place was awesome. definitely going back there again.

definitely going to have someone led the way so i don't go around opening inappropriate doors.

and don't do any shots...they hit you like a ton of bricks.

i have a 12-year old mind

2007-10-11T13:15:00.000Z

in my most recent arabic lessons i learned "to buy."

i spent the next 5 minutes cackling because it contains "tittie" in the word.

oh, i'm so ready to socialize with others...

when i do wrong, i go all the way

2007-10-10T16:19:00.000Z

example:
i spent most of last night on my couch watching The Biggest Loser while eating delicious see's chocolates.

another quotable part of the wedding...

2007-10-09T19:11:00.000Z

waiter: would you like wine with dinner?

me: oh, yes! white, please.

[waiter about to pour wine into my glass, stops, and looks at me]

waiter: you are 21, right?

me: (trying to control my laughter) barely.

[waiter pours the wine and walks away...wedding guest turns to me]

wedding guest: i think he was flirting with you.

me: nah. i think he just had a nice view down the front of my dress.

one of my favorite quotes from the wedding

2007-10-09T13:53:00.000Z

me: i don't think i've ever really gotten drunk at a wedding.

BasementGirl: really?!?!

me: i think tonight i'm going to try tonight. the antibiotics will help.

BasementGirl: hmmm...sometimes it's for the best not to be really wasted. then bad things can happen...like hooking up with that guy...

me: sometimes i need bad things to happen.

the best part about the wedding i'm attending this weekend...

2007-10-04T20:53:00.001Z

they are going to have...

are you ready for this awesomeness???

cactus. (effing.) cooler.

okay, they won't have it at the wedding, but it will be at the welcome fiesta tomorrow night.

going to a wedding in tucson just got THAT much better!!

freshmeat = bad service

2007-10-04T13:18:00.000Z

i've decided that i cannot go out with freshmeat anymore.

the last few times we have, the wait staff have decided they hated us.
passionately.

like burnt nachos hate.

homey can't live with burnt nachos.

evidence no. 765,101 that i need a life

2007-10-03T18:25:00.000Z

or at least more distraction at work...

yesterday i received yet another request to join facebook. and i was just bored enough to do it.

now i can't stop looking people up.

this may have lead me to find out that my ex is severely balding and just had a baby.

i'm totally using my powers for evil.

september's count

2007-10-02T19:35:00.001Z

september must have been a busy month for me...i only rented 16 movies.

this probably has something to do with the new fall shows starting up.

best rental of the month: disc 3 of battlestar galatica (season 2.5)

rental that i would be embarrassed to admit i had watched: constantine

rental that surprised me: chef! (series 2)

maybe i sleep better than i think

2007-10-01T17:41:00.000Z

somehow i slept through the huge condo fire that was down the street from me. i had no idea anything was up until i walked outside to see several buses crammed into my tiny street.

then i walked down the street to see massive amount of fire trucks and what not. the most impressive part was the amount of hoses that had been used to put out the fire. i would really hate to be the person responsible for winding them all back up.

but this caused me to think about what i would take with me if there was a fire...and maybe how i should get renter's insurance and whatnot. you know, be a grown up for once.

and perhaps i better invest in some better looking pajamas as well.

tonight

2007-09-28T20:53:00.000Z

some times work is just so awful you need to go out and get old school wasted...

36 days

2007-09-26T15:14:00.000Z

bah!

there are only 36 days left until i leave...

i've been attempting to learn some egyptian arabic...
(for those times when freshmeat and i find ourselves in an egyptian prison)

unfortunately i haven't gotten very far.

i'm only on lesson 5 out of 30.

so now, when i'm in prison, i can say the following:

i am american.

i am not egyptian.

how are you?

where is abu sayid station, please?

i do not understand arabic well.

sigh.
it's not going to be pretty.

my new favorite drink

2007-09-25T14:55:00.000Z

a raspberry ice tea* from gordon biersch

i sucked three of those down last night while celebrating the orphan's birthday.

so delicious...so deadly...so want another...

*Stolichnaya Razberi Vodka, Tanqueray Gin, Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum, Chambord Liqueur Royale and a splash of Sprite®.

inner monologue monday

2007-09-24T15:04:00.000Z

while getting my hair cut and colored this past weekend...after my stylist said that we would make my hair darker...

it's just hair...i mean it will grow out...and if i hate, i'm coming back here in 5 weeks anyways...surely i can live with whatever he does for 5 weeks....WOW!!! that is dark....fuuuuuuck meeeeeeee....but it's okay....deep breaths....you know it's probably the color my hair would be if i still lived in california and never colored it...same color as my father's...then again he was sad the day the lady at the dmv told him he no longer had blonde hair and made him change his form...sigh....knowing my family i probably would have started lightening my hair if i was still in california...hmmm...actually it doesn't look too bad...i think he must be sensing my resistance as that's the third time he's told me that we can always lighten it if i hate it...i'm always up for change...so let's just see where this goes...it's just hair.

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! he just cut my bangs on the wrong side!

i now know what love is

2007-09-21T19:06:00.000Z

yesterday i finally got my flat screen, larger-than-life, monitor.

it was love at first sight.

i know find myself stroking it and telling it how much i love it.

i do this in order to reassure the monitor it has found a good home with me.

the sad progression of my morning...

2007-09-20T15:55:00.000Z

YAY! it's saturday!

oh wait....it's only friday.

sonofawhore! it's freakin' thursday!

hush money

2007-09-18T15:37:00.000Z

today was the day that our company hands out quarterly bonuses. as this is almost the end of the fiscal year, there was TONS of awards to be given out.

i know the real reason why i was given an award...and it has nothing to do with my work performance.

it's hush money.

is that going to stop me from spending it on shoes, my trip, and credit card debt?

absolutely not!

my inner monologues

2007-09-17T15:10:00.001Z

staring in the mirror after three large vodka drinks

man...i look hot when i wear eyeliner...like really good...i really need to make a point to eyeliner all the time...and not just be lazy and wear the shadow liner...and those people at sephora said brown is better for me! ha! i look awesome in black...i wonder if doing a smokey eye at work is too much...probably...though i would look hot...but there's no one to look hot for...damn...i need a new job where there are more single men running around...then i probably wouldn't be lazy and wear eyeliner all the time.

the next morning...staring in the mirror after waking up

well, hell. if i insist on passing out with all my makeup on...thank goodness i don't have a significant other in my life...i look like trash...i wonder why only the lower lid is all smeared...what in the name of all that is holy am i doing to my face while i sleep...then again i did finally get a decent night sleep...probably something to do with all that vodka...then again i woke up in my pajamas so i couldn't have been THAT drunk...but drunk enough not to take off my makeup and ransack my room...hmmm...is eastenders on yet?