In the voice of Comic Book Guy

Worse. Date. Ever.
I know it doesn't seem possible. But I think I found the winner.
This jackass doesn't even deserve the effort to think up a nickname for.

So we meet up for an early dinner. He is totally hotter online than in person...but I try to be a slightly less superficial person than usually and hope for the best. I notice that he doesn't seem to have the wit and sparkle I noticed in our e-mails. Turns out he was out on a date the night before and was still hungover. Okay. Thanks. Do I need any more details? NO! But of course he goes on to give me all sorts of details, such as the fact that they decided that it would be hilarious to bring a blow-up doll with them to the bar (they decided this sober). But the sex shop's dolls were too expensive so they ended up with an inflatable cow (yes, the sex shop sells a variety of inflatable barn animals. I'll let your imagination go.). They then wrote "COWS GONE WILD" on it. He then tells me how he had to take her home as she was soooo drunk.

At this point I'm checking my watch trying to decide how long I need to hang out to be polite. I should also point out that the conversation was dull and painful. It's now been an hour and dinner is over and paid for (he insisted on paying). I thought that maybe he just needed a few drinks to make him stop being so boring. So I took him to my favorite bar in my neighborhood. Over the course of the evening we drank close to THREE pitchers. I was drinking like it was water, and I keep refilling his glass before it got empty so he wouldn't realize how much he was drinking. Let me back up to say that as soon as I got to the bar I texted a friend who lived nearby to come and help liven up this guy (she was camping and didn't get my message until the next day). The conversation goes on and on about other dates he's been on and why he's dating so much lately (anniversary of a bad breakup). Did I mention this was painful?

I'm basically putting out all these "not interested in you" vibes.

I then proceeded to call another friend twice from the bathroom to complain about the date (I was a bit tipsy at this point). At one point I decide that I should see what TheChild was up to. So I basically scheduled a hook up via text message underneath the table while I continue to out drink the jackass across from me.

So when it comes time to settle up, he asks if we can split the bill. I take this to mean that ALL my sarcasm and "you blow" signals worked. We leave and I tell him I'm going home. He says that he's going to another bar (on his own). Next thing I know he's KISSING me (ew!!). I said "got to go" and darted out into traffic as fast as my high heels would let me.

TheChild showed up not too much later to help savage the rest of the evening.


Jackass called me twice the next day. I ignored both calls. He then e-mails me this long e-mail talking about all the "fun" I missed my not going with him (it involves a guy punching a drunk, the cops and him running down the guy, and Jose Guillen shaking his hand).

So the question is: should I write him back a nice and tactful "get lost" e-mail or can I do what many a young man has done before and just ignore him (or is that asking for bad karma?)??