open letter (day four)

dear idiot who was stupid enough to follow me home,

listen. if you are stupid enough to come back to my place one evening, then you should have the good grace to get the hell out of my place by first light.

so let me enlighten you on some rules.

1. don't linger hoping for food. you saw what was in my refrigerator. what makes you think i'm going to wake up and whip you up pancakes? the best you can hope for is a bagel being tossed to you on your way out. if you wanted a girl to lounge around and cook for you, you should have talked to another girl (as i suggested).

2. if you don't want my number (or e-mail), don't ask me for it. we both know that you are not going to call (or write) so why waste my time writing it out. it just delays you leaving my place.

3. when i say we aren't having sex and that i'm exhausted, what that really means is that we are not having sex and if you fucking think of touching me as i'm trying to sleep my elbow will somehow hit you in the chest. repeatedly.

4. when i ask what you are doing that day, please don't take that as a sign that i'm looking for you to ask me along. i'm hoping that you'll state that you have brunch with friends and need to leave. immediately.

5. it is not cool to stay past 10 (maybe 11 tops). if i have to say "wow. look at the time! i really need to start my day so you need to leave" then you know you've stayed WAY past what is acceptable. if you were gone by 8 that would totally rock my world.

in the future i would recommend that you go home with some other girl.

sincerely,
mixin' vixen