single girl's guide to cleaning the apartment on short notice for a boy

step 1: shove all dirty pots and pans into oven door.

step 2: shut oven door.

step 3: sluttishly wash up all dishes in sink and set out to dry.

step 4: do a vodka shot.

step 5: gather all clean and dirty clothes and shove into closet.

step 6: shut closet door.

step 7: turn on air conditioner and spray febreeze so that the cold air carries it throughout room.

step 8: do a vodka shot.

step 9: do a quick wipe around of sink and toilet.

step 10: hide embarrassing medicines under towels.

step 11: check trash for embarrassing articles.

step 12: do a vodka shot while painting toenails.

step 13: hide quirky dvds and replace with high brow documentaries.

step 14: gather all newspapers and shove under couch.

step 15: towel off sweat and apply perfume to have that "fresh" look.

step 16: do a vodka shot and pretend this is how the apartment always looks.