:: m a y h e m b y m i s s m ::

do you have any idea how hard it is some mornings to make a glass of water without vomiting?!?

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

My Cheeto Tummy

So over the last two weeks my motivation for the gym has taken a sharp nose-dive.

I have, what I like to call, a mild case of insomnia, which has been going on since about high school. Every so often it gets really bad and I end up with almost no sleep for about a week.

Well, the last two weeks has been nothing but fitful sleeping in an overheated apartment. So when the alarm goes off at 5:30, I can just about talk myself out of LEAPING out of bed and going to the gym each morning. And boy, have I noticed the difference in how I feel and what I eat.

Yesterday, as I was chowing down on my afternoon snack of Doritos and Cheetos, I realized I was slowing, but surely going back to that dark, ugly place again. So I renewed my commitment to myself and my goal of being in the best shape of my life by the time I hit Dirty Thirty (which, unfortunately, is only a month away). So I'm back to the diet and back to early mornings at the gym.

Will I actual be in the best shape of my life at the end of March? No, but I'll feel so much better about myself when I dive head first into my birthday cake.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Women Must Wear Leather Pants Party

What is causing these people to have such an awesome good time?

Leather Pants Party.

The rules are simple. The women are the ones who put on the leather (or pleather) pants (or skirt or whatever). Guys should wear a shiny or loud shirt, or whatever you think will attract the women wearing the leather. Just don't wear leather pants unless you are a rock star or frequently wear women's clothing.

So come on down tomorrow night to RFD's for some drunken good times.

I'll be there wearing my pleather skirt (a.k.a. my lucky skirt).
Oohhhhhh yeah.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Okay, now that I've had my greasy-greasy breakfast I can actual focus

People who were sober enough to remember can recap better than me


I'll add others as I find them.

my liver is weeping for me.

what is scrapple and why does my work cafeteria carry it?!?

My Chemical Dependency

I woke up this morning in bed, in my pajamas, and my keys weren't left in my front door.

I consider last night a success!

People Who Rock the Happy Hour

Chanuck is the bestest driver for when a drunk girl needs to get home. Thanks for stepping in for DC Sports Chick.

I got to say that I [heart] Stef big time! love THAT hair

Law-rah is a girl after my own heart! i'll steal french fries with you any day!

I love how Marci orders HUGE drinks so she doesn't have to fight her way to bar over and over. that enormous drink of yours sounded awesome! orange-flavored vodka?

Random guy who bought us drinks for no good reason. damn you! it had to have been that last drink that put me over the edge. but i hope that buying us drinks helped you score points with whomever you were trying to.

my apologies to anyone who talked to me and thought i had been smoking crack. i had gone to another happy hour before this one and so was WELL on my way to my happy place.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

There are bad ideas...

...and then there are worse ideas.

After watching Carmindy from TLC's What Not to Wear lighten a few people's dark eyebrows (mine look like they were painted on with charcoal) with facial bleach, I decided I would try it as well.

So last night I sucked it up and gave it a whirl.

8 minutes later half my eyebrows were orange. The other half is a mixture of completed bleached and charcoal black.

I'm so pretty.

Friday, February 17, 2006


How is this breaking news?


shut up, lazy whore! just shut. up!

i can't take her muttering/complaining about how hard her life is because we have a temp out front instead of a permanent employee!

oh boo. fucking. hoo.

all you fucking have to do is FAX our time sheets to the head of payroll instead of doing them yourself. that's it. that's all. nothing else. and yet, she complains about how she has to keep on top of it. like it's another fucking burden.

shut. up.

fucking whore.

number of times "fuck" or variant was used in this post: 4. i must be getting mellow in my old age.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Another reason why I shouldn't be allowed access to my boss' files...

I have to create a contact list for one of the projects my department is working on. This requires me to go through my boss' file and search for names, address, etc. Well, she also included a lot of e-mails which I skim. One e-mail was from her boss about a particular difficult contributor. Her boss basically says that this contributor should be spanked!

I kid you not.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Elliptical thought of the day

The Ab Lounger TOTALLY looks like it's a leftover prop from some S&M video.

just saying...

Monday, February 13, 2006

That's just craptacular!


I think I just volunteered myself for more work.

I hate it when I do that.

"Proactive" my ass.

Three Tissue Episode

You know you are going to need a lot of tissue for last night's episode of Grey's Anatomy when you have tears before the credits even start.

bastards for making me feel.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Secret of the Week

I'm a paranoid-morning-after-tipper.

After an evening out I usually spend a portion of the morning after ransacking my wallet and purse in search of the receipt to prove to myself that I actually tipped my bartender enough. I always wake up feeling that I somehow didn't give him enough and should go back there and give him more.

Even when I find the receipt and figure out the tip, I'm still concerned that I should have tipped more (did I give him enough for those free drinks/shots he gave us?).

I'm sure this harkens back to my need to have everyone like me. Especially the person serving me my booze.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

With the grace of a gazelle...

Note to self: never attempt to put on stockings in front of someone special...unless I want them to think I'm special...ed.

This point was especially driven home to me this morning as I attempted to get them on in the women's locker room. There's just no graceful way to do the Stocking Dance.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

So Cold....

So the first time in a looong while I actually missed having someone with me.

Why you ask?

Because there was NO HEAT ALL LAST NIGHT!!!

I went to bed cold and I woke up cold.

I hate my place.

update: heat was still off when I came home last night at 10 (slightly tipsy). It finally came on sometime during the night so I woke up sweating. goood times indeed.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Did he just call me ugly?

"You have a really [pause] unique [pause] look."

Is "unique look" the new equivalent of someone having a "good personality?"

Friday, February 03, 2006


Is it possible that I'm still drunk???

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

You know you are an AWESOME employee when...

...the BigCheese walks in on you as you are wrapping up a pack of gum that reads "I [heart] MY PENIS."

Who's a good employee??