:: m a y h e m b y m i s s m ::

do you have any idea how hard it is some mornings to make a glass of water without vomiting?!?

Friday, December 29, 2006

my trip: a few surprises and one constant

1. the Reno airport has iPod VENDING MACHINES! how crazy is that?! in one of the crappiest airports in the country there are vending machines for your freakin' iPod!

2. my brother can drink 4 beers in the morning and still toddle off to go to work by 2.

always the same
the Chicago airport still has the BEST smelling restrooms EVER.

Friday, December 22, 2006

"panties from target won't get you laid"

so last night my FoodSoulMate and i went the kennedy center to see handel's messiah. neither one of us had ever seen it before and were kind of giddy at the thought of such a holidastic event.

halfway through the first part i felt my mind wander and i started to count the choir to see if there was more men or women (there's more women). then my mind drifted off onto more lurid thoughts that are not at all appropriate for event. at the intermission FoodSoulMate leaned over and whispered that she most of that time thinking about what she had to pack and wished she had a pen.

apparently we aren't meant for cultured activities.

when i got home last night i found THE. MOST. AWESOME. HOLIDAY. CARD. EVER. (from the guys with the most awesome mustaches ever). and inside Phil wrote me the funniest line ever (see title post).

and it's so true. i haven't seen action since i got those underwear...and in truth, not a lot since i started this blog.


i think not.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

women really do need to use the restroom in herds

yesterday my building experienced an unexpected water outage that affected all the restrooms. unfortunately this happened right around lunchtime so there were many people having to travel to another building to "powder [their] noses." and i noticed a trend...whenever it was a woman she always made a point to invite others on this trek (even i was guilty of that).

is it some part of our genetic code that requires us to have a companion if the restroom is more than 20 feet away?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

apparently my apartment building is filled with filthy people

so a few of you may remember how a few months back my building received a warning that the trash area was in violation due to solid waste, overflowing trash cans, and other problems. the notice went up one evening and was gone before i left for work the next morning. the only new change i noticed was that they added a piece of wood to the path to help those of us who have to trudged through the mud to get to the trash cans.

fast forward to last weekend.

we received a SECOND notice that we were in violation again of the same problems.
the fee for a second violation within 60 days? $300.

oh, and this time the notice has stayed up for a WHOLE week. it was still there this morning...taped right next to a notice from our property manager about how their office is closed today due to their holiday party.

Monday, December 18, 2006

things i learned this weekend

1. do NOT fall asleep with a pen in your hand.

2. if you do fall asleep with a pen in your hand it will create a LARGE ink stain in your hair.

3. pet shampoo will get said ink stain out of your hair.

4. i must learn to resist the lure of the "3 for 2" table at Border's. no good can come of it.

Friday, December 15, 2006

the next morning
a.k.a. why is there confetti in my bra?

1. my apartment looks like it's been ransacked.

2. Heaven really needs to give out a warning BEFORE they drop the confetti so i can properly cover my drink.

3. i need to stop wearing tank tops where all said confetti can gather into.

4. guys need to realize that trying to pick up a girl that late as night makes her think that you are desperate enough to hit on anything.

5. champagne shouldn't be done as a shot.

6. that girl's bark makes for a delicious breakfast.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

hi, my name is vixen and i like the drink

apparently FreshMeat and i are the only boozers in the office.

today was our departmental holiday luncheon and only FreshMeat and myself had more than one glass of wine.

i'm SO disappointed in my coworkers.

moral quandary

is it wrong to get the exact same pair of INCREDIBLY hot shoes that a friend just purchased?

i mean these shoes are AMAZING.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

it takes so little to make me happy

i received this in my work mail this morning.

it's just so cute.
and it made me happy.

so maybe work won't be AS soul crushing as usual today.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

got a ticket to hell

a.k.a. i bought a ticket to my mother's place for Christmas...in reno.

thanks to the airlines for jacking up their prices my plane ticket home was $150 more than i should ever pay. AND i leave on Christmas Eve. if i wanted to leave a few days earlier i would have had to pay $250 more.

the airlines are dead. to. me.

but on the upside i only have to spend four days trapped with my family.

four days of my mother trying to get me to open up.
four days of my sister being depressed.
four days of my brother being a booger snot and making my mother cry.
four days of no booze.

is it too early to start crying into my glass of vodka?

Friday, December 08, 2006

bloggy happy hour

tonight is the All-Holiday Blog Celebration at Science Club at 7 pm.

in addition to the usual drinking and poking fun at blogs, there will be a 50/50 raffle for charity as well as VOTING for various "superlatives" including "best breasts." apparently this is the title that is the most thought after, and after reviewing the TON of photos i have of various bloggers and their cleavage, it's going to be a close call of who to vote for.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

the urge to maim is growing

for whatever reason i've been nothing but a pot of boiling anger.

somewhere between my boss not caring about us and people being downright bastards, i've started karate chopping the air as i scream nonsensical words.

some might say that this is just normal me.

but i've noticed a difference.

my eye is now twitching.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

all i ever need is Lizzy and Darcy

everyone deals with heartache in different ways.

for me every time i feel a bit like i've been...stung i turn to Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice to comfort me. and whenever i feel like someone punched me in the stomach i listen to this entire cd.

i spent most of 2005 doing online dating. guess how many times i read Pride and Prejudice that year?
as for the cd...i've only listen to it once.

about a year ago i lent my precious copy of P&P to a friend. she just returned it to me last friday. i was beyond ecstastic! i spent the entire weekend reading it and i realized just how much i missed it and how often i needed it this past year. i don't think i'll ever lend it another person again.

so how do you deal with heartache??

Monday, December 04, 2006

eat me

so saturday night i spent with FreshMeat, GrammarGrrl, and GrammarGrrl's bf. we started the evening off at GrammarGrrl's apartment imbibing some wine while FreshMeat attacked her cat with A LOT of loooove.

then we headed out to see Consume at Flashpoint Gallery in Chinatown (one of the artists was a friend of GrammarGrrl). It was...interesting. i'm not a fan of performance art and i really don't get most contemporary art. but i did get an amusing photo of GrammerGrrl and the bf.

one of the highlights of the show was the series of illicit sex scenes called Hustler Extreme Sex Volume 78. "extreme" was putting it mildly. i couldn't look at them without blushing and feeling dirty.
really dirty.

the show is ongoing until January 6.

Friday, December 01, 2006

things i learned last night (part trois)

1. cover your drink when the confetti comes down. otherwise by the end of your drink you'll realize that you have ingested more than half of the confetti

2. remove said confetti from your skin as the ink tends to bleed right into your skin and who wants to me that-girl-who-is-sweaty-with-blue-dots-on-her-face

3. even if your only dance move is the step-bounce, when you OWN it you become the most awesome dancer

4. pretending you're gay is a good way to infiltrate a group of women dancing

5. but it's not good if you actually want to make out with one of them