:: m a y h e m b y m i s s m ::

do you have any idea how hard it is some mornings to make a glass of water without vomiting?!?

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Munich, where the mullet is still king!

Well, I survived Oktoberfest.

But my camera died on my on my first day there. So apparently what happens in Oktoberfest stays in Oktoberfest.

What was an awesome surprise was a half-day stop in Luxembourg. It is hands down the prettiest city I've ever seen. I have a TON of photos from that (soon to be available on flickr).

So now I'm back in London and have only a few more days to live it up before I'm forced back home and back to work to pay off my debt.

And seriously, Munich has more mullets per capita than any other city.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

When did traveling get a dress code?!


I brought jeans, tank tops, and sweaters...and three pairs of shoes (tennis shoes, flip flops, and one nice-ish pair). Oh, and one nice outfit in case we go somewhere where they frown on denim.

When did traveling mean skirt and midriff baring tops?!

I can't IMAGINE how much luggage these girls are bringing with them to look this good all the time. The shoes ALONE must be one bag.

I totally feel like a bag lady next to them.

I just turn my iPod louder.

Oh, I'm off to Munich and Oktoberfest tomorrow. So no more updates.

I know. A little piece of me died as well.

But I promise to give you an update when I get back of all my misadventures.

Here's a little hint into my Oktoberfest activities: my code name is Herminia and I'm on team Las Putas y Los Perros. Awesome. I know.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Two out of three Australian boys will want to talk to you naked

I did have some alternative titles.
I made a baby cry.
The V&A smells funny.
People love dead people.

Day Two
Woof! I did A LOT of walking. First I was off to St. Pancras Station. I didn't actually go inside. The outside is amazing. It's rather unfortunate that the British Library is right there as the BL looks rather...dull...next to the grandness of St. Pancras. I also nipped over to King's Cross to get a look at the infamous platform 9 3/4 (yes, I was THAT tourist standing there taking a picture. you know you would too).

The British Library, despite its unfortunate cover, is rather amazing inside. They have this exhibition of all sorts of interesting books...everything from the Magna Carter to Alice in Wonderland to the Beatles. it really is worth the effort to go and see it.

Then I quickly walked down and took a peek at the Sicilian Avenue, Bedford Square, and the Russell Hotel facade before heading to the British Museum.

The British Museum is where I would go to die. It's just crazy to have study these things and to then see them in person. I almost peed my pants from joy. Like a dog. I think if I had to chose just one room as my favorite I think it might be there the marbles from the Parthenon are. Just standing there looking at the size of the figures for the pediments...breathtaking.

But, holy crap, people! You guys really like looking at dead people. Each time I went past the mummy room, it was jam pack full of people looking at them and taking photos.
You sick bastards.

After that I jetted down to the Photographers Gallery where I saw two exhibitions. One was on the film Blow Up, which after seeing this exhibition I think I want to see now (a photographer starts blowing up an image and it becomes like a surreal painting and he begins to question the reality that his camera is capturing). The other was photos from the Firemen Archives. really amazing stuff.

At this point I try to meet up with Law-rah's fantastic boyfriend at King's Cross. Alas, neither one of us saw the other. But hopefully before my trip ends I can give a first-hand account of what a darling Ben is.

I end the evening with two Australian boys entering the women's shower. They proceed to shower together and then coming out, naked and soapy, to chat with me. They obviously expected a response and when they asked if I was going to tell all my friends about the naked boys, I responded "Why? They would just say 'Oh, that's just another Monday night for you."

Day Three
I noticed it's getting harder and harder to get out of bed. I like to blame this on my dormmates and jet lag.

Don't contradict me.

On the tube that morning, a baby was sitting next to me and noticed my delicious Cotton Candy flavored lip smackers. I let her play with it for a few stops as she obviously has good taste. When it's my stop, I got it back from her and she immediately started crying like I just kicked her. I shot a glance to the parents and apologized profusely before leaping off.

I'm not meant to be around children.

I spent the morning doing what was to be a 60-minute intro tour of the V&A (the tour guide spent 1 hour and 45 minutes showing us 5 rooms). I'm not big on decorative arts so I didn't do that much more after the tour. I did, however, checked out their exhibition on 60s fashion. hilarious some of the stuff they found!

I then jetted over to Harrod's to point and giggle at the awful Princess Diana memorial.

The off to the Spy & Spycatchers walk (most of the London Walks were free last weekend thanks to the Mayor's open house). Then to the Murder Most Foul walk.

my feet still haven't recovered from all that walking.

Day Four

More walking.
Lots of walking.

I checked out Hyde Park. Um, yeah, pretty and nice, but again, I'm tired of walking so I don't make it that far past the southern statues.

Then off to Bayswater Market for their open-air art market.
But some of the stuff wasn't bad. There was one place that made up images from parts of a clock. They had done an AMAZING one of the Tower Bridge.

Then I quickly hopped on the Circle line (which took FOREVER) to get to the Ancient London walking tour. I got to see bits of the old city walls and hear tales of people behaving very badly.

It was during this walk that my camera battery started to die and I realized that I didn't have a converter. great. so back to the hostel to find a store where I bought my overpriced converter. as the battery was charging I took the time to take a cat nap.

Then it was off to the Harry Potter walk. While at the Tube station a train had just closed and then reopened their doors. I thought I wouldn't make it so I slowed down. Just then someone shoved me and the next thing I knew I was on the train with the doors slammed shut on my arm. Now we have all seen those tourists on the Metro who try to hop onto a "doors closing" train and get stuck, and we all shake our heads in disgust at their ignorance. but usually the train doors open again and they can get free. not me. I had to use all my bodily strength to break free. my arm does not look pretty.

Oh, the Harry Potter walk was interesting. They showed us where J.K. Rowling got some of her ideas from and where the Ministry of Magic is. It was quite cute.

Then back to the hostel and out to a pub to get some beer and write some postcards.

okay...this post is HUGE! I hope all four of my readers made it through it!

Friday, September 15, 2006

I hate the French
and other things I learned

Day One

places I fell asleep while fighting jet lag:
the tube, while clutching all my worldly possessions

places where I started to nod off, but caught myself in time:
two parks
the bar (nothing like almost hitting your head on the bar top to really wake someone up)
a table in the hostel

So I've decided that I hate all my dormmates. I know I should recognize it as youthful ignorance, but I HATE them.

1. they all came back at whatever time the bars close and woke me up. whatever, right? they then proceed to leave our dorm room door propped open the entire night. I'm not sure the reason why, so I never close it. but I do get to hear ever drunk person who stumbles past our room. including the guy who belongs in our room, but was never really certain he was in the right room.

2. the french bitch brings back her one true love (a.k.a. whatever idiot she meet here) back with her at 2 am (keep in mind at this point i've slept about 2 hours in the last 24 hours in an attempt to beat jet lag.) they proceed to have a conversation (not whispered) in french for the next 45 minutes (making out was involved). I like to think it went like this:

french bitch: here is my room and I'm tired of making out with you standing up. good night.

idiot at hostel: but no! I love you! please lean over and make loud smooching noises with me. our love must be expressed!

french bitch: okay, but only for 10 minutes, because I need to sleep.

::10 minutes later::

idiot: you go ahead and climb into my bed, my love, and I will continue to kiss you as the guy in the bed beneath you tries to desperate sleep.

french bitch: why don't you just climb into bed with me that way we can continue our conversation?

3. the bitch who turned the light on at 7 am this morning to get ready as the bright light streaming in from the hall wasn't enough. it disoriented me enough that I began to wonder if the hostel automatically turned on the lights as a way to encourage people to get up.

okay...that's all I have for now. but I'm sure there's more.

on a lighter note...here's some things that surprises me about london:
1. so MANY motorcycles!
2. tons of bikers#
3. too many bikers not wearing helmets...it just freaks me out.
4. the taxis are painted advertisements. the one I'm trying to catch on camera is the one painted to look like a tiffany's box.
5. pedestrians are likly to be run down...even if the little green guy says I can walk. there's still a chance a taxi is gunning for me.
6. soda is rather pricey...making it easier for me to drink more water.
7. Tesco is my new best friend

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Arrived! and desperate to stay awake

Well, kids.
I made it.
I survived.
I climbed the mountain.

but I can't work an UK keyboard to save my life!

I got basically no sleep last night and right now I'm nodding off. DANGEROUS!!!! at least it's almost time for me to check in. I'm really hoping to stay awake until 8. but we'll see if I can even make it that far.

so far, I've done A LOT of walking and nodding off in strange parks.
(I nodded off twice typing this out.)

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I see London, I see France!*

*okay...so it really should be I see London, I see Munich. but it doesn't have a nice ring to it.

okay boys and girls, Super Shuttle is coming for me in 15 minutes!

I'll try to update often while abroad, but i can't promise pictures until i come back.

I TOTALLY not cool enough to work out there

On Saturday FreshMeat and I attended the grand opening party for the Vida Fitness and Bang Salon that just opened up in the Verizon Center.

FreshMeat and I had gone to Bang earlier that day and I got to say it is HOT!

The place feels nice and airy with the cathedral ceilings. I definitely don't feel like I'm so close to the client next to me that I could either be in his lap or in his conversation. And then they have this "fountain room" where people are either being shampooed or they are relaxing as they wait for their color to process. and to entertain you are three HUGE flat screen tvs. each set to a different channel (I spent my time watching the ever-awesome movie, Can't Hardly Wait). Once again Mark did an AMAZING job and I feel pretty.

I also went yesterday for an eyebrow wax. another amazing experience. they definitely seem to only hire good people.

So FreshMeat and I arrive later that night for the opening, and see there's a line. Hmmm...okay.

Except I'm not on the list. Funny. I got an e-mail confirming I'm on the list. But luckily the guy let us in.

We immediately head to the drink line.

And that's when I noticed the photographer. He started taking photos of the guys behind us. Then looked us over and skipped to the girls ahead of us. He couldn't be more blatant about the fact that we are not part of the BeautifulPeople.

Fucking whores.

So to compensate we drank. A lot.

Meanwhile we are climbing all over Vida. Amazing! Totally made us both think of high tech/space age (well, the elevator looked like a space capsule). You have to scan in your thumb to gain access to the club. They have an awesome spinning room with cool blue lights (see random photo) and mosaic tiling. And two swimming pools where you can swim against a current (I have no idea what this is called). The top floor is devoted to weight lifting. I've never seen so many machines in one place!

But the vibe was clear...definitely not cool enough to break a sweat in this place.

Monday, September 11, 2006


I should be doing the following:
1. finishing up projects at work so I don't make the others hate me for taking care of my shit while I'm away
2. calling my credit cards and bank to inform them of my travel
3. finishing up list of gifts to get for family/friends (because everyone needs a "mind the gap" thong!)
4. procuring anti-frizz product and handbag I can use to travel on the plan with and while in London during the day

What I am doing:

I got time, right????

Friday, September 08, 2006

Last night, I crossed the river...and survived

Q: What does one do while wearing a stained sweater and not being able to hear out of your right ear?

A: Duh! Go out and have lots of drinks with fantastic people!

(though it would have been BETTER if we were touching naked people.)

I had an awesome time last night meeting up with people (DCSC, Chanuck, Marci, Buggie, I-66, Diet Coke of Evil, Miss Chatter, CrazyBarnGuy [Miss Chatter's husband], Mr. Smooth and other non-bloggers [I know I forgot people's names...let's blame it on the bad ear])...and only a few of them mocked me for my hearing loss.

Love my doctor, hate his staff

Due to the overwhelming amount of wax still lodged in my ear (I now have constant ringing in my ears) I have to see a specialist. To do this I need a referral.

After trying to get a referral out of my doctor's staff hands, I truly hope that I never have to get another referral again.

Conversation No. 1
Me: Hi. The doctor told me that I can get a referral from you.
Angry Woman: Why?
Me: Um, it's for my ear.
Angry Woman: What's your insurance?
Me: [name of insurance]
Angry Woman: You need to set up an appointment before I can give you a referral.
Me: Oh?
Angry Woman: ::rattles off number before I can get paper or a cell phone out to input it:: Make an appointment and then call me to get the referral.
Me: Sorry. Can I get the number one more time?
Angry Woman: [number] CALL and make an appointment. THEN call me.

Conversation No. 2
Me: Hi. I made an appointment with Dr. [name] and I need a referral.
Angry Woman: You made an appointment?
Me: Yes.
Angry Woman gets the details of the appointment and is on the verge of hanging up on me.
Me: Um, how do I get the referral?
Angry Woman: You can come in and pick it up.
Me: Oh. Thanks.

Conversation No. 3
Me: Hi. I'm here to pick up my referral.
Receptionist: You were told to pick it up?
Me: Yup.
Receptionist: I don't see it here. Are you sure Angry Woman didn't mail it?
Me: Um, she told me to pick it up.
Receptionist: ::rifling through paperwork:: Are you sure it wasn't mailed?
Me: She told me to pick it up.
Receptionist: Write down your name and what you are going in for.

25 minutes later I have my referral.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Apparently I'm not meant for nice things


I put on a new sweater and immediately stain it with concealer.

I'm at the gym so there's no way for me to change.

So now I get to spend the day as "that girl with the stained sweater."

Why do I even bother trying?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Oh. Sweet. Jaysus.

Normally I only buy my underwear from Victoria's Secret. I guess I'm a underwear snob like that. But in recently years I've noticed a decline in their quality (I don't think the seams should be unraveling after TWO washes). So at my last Target shopping spree I decided to suck it up and purchase the 5-pack of Hanes Her Way Hipsters. Now, I've never bought hipsters before (I'm a string bikini kind of girl), but I've been curious about them as they look so cute on the models.

Well, I opened them up and let out a scream. I've NEVER seen so much material used for underwear in my life! Seriously! I think I could have clothed two small children with the amount of fabric used.


Definitely only wear them for work outs at the gym now.

Look away! Look away!

As per my usual morning routine, I slipped on my flip flops to walk to work as I have shoes at work I can change into.

It wasn't until I was at work that I realized that I have no shoes here any more. I had taken them home last weekend and forgot to bring in another pair.

So now I'm walking through the offices with the telltale "flip" and "flop" of a slacker.

A slacker with badly painted toe nails.

It's not pretty people.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Who wants some REAL mail???

Who doesn't enjoy a real piece of mail to brighten up an otherwise rather dull collection of bills, credit card notices, and angry collection agency letters?!

One week tomorrow I will be flying over the Atlantic to spend some quality time in bars in London and Munich (a.k.a. Oktoberfest). And what better way to spend a quite evening than writing postcards to some friends/strangers while I sit in a pub and get drunk.

So if you want to be included in the fun, please e-mail me (mayhemmiss[at]gmail.[dot]com) with your address and your preference on whether you get a London or Munich postcard (hey, or both!).

Though...I can't be 100% sure it won't just read "DRUNK!"
But that's a risk I'm willing to take.

Meet the new love of my life...


Monday, September 04, 2006

My Ohio Weekend

number of times I saw road kill: 572 (seriously. are Ohioans deliberately killing the wildlife there as a form of population control?)

number of FedEx trucks seen: 9

number of Dollar General trucks seen:10 (does this mean that Dollar General is doing better business than FedEx)?

number of old-time cars seen: 14 (convention??)

number of drinks i needed to get through the wedding: 4 (should of had more)

number of times I cursed at Ohio drivers: 82 (and i wasn't even driving)

number of times FreshMeat and I started laughing for no good reason due to lack of sleep: 23

Friday, September 01, 2006

Target should pay ME!

So I looked down and realized that I am a walking advertisement for Target. The only things that I have on that didn't come from Target are my shoes and bra.

I think I have a bright future as a Target model.

Pot of Death

I use a pot to catch all the water escaping from my a/c window unit as someone (the property managers who can suck it??) placed something underneath my balcony and I'm sure that whatever is in those bags probably should get drenched on a daily basis.

This morning that pot became the Pot of Death.

I found a praying mantis had drown in it. fucker was HUGE!

I've never seen a praying mantis before, and now that I've killed their queen I doubt I ever will again.