:: m a y h e m b y m i s s m ::

do you have any idea how hard it is some mornings to make a glass of water without vomiting?!?

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

i have muscles where?!


tonight will be the "wine" glasses and winter coats.
and cats.

i'm still trying to get rid of the desk and bed. i'm not having the best of luck.

i have some very awesome friends. Miss L and Miss R busted their asses for me all day on monday. Miss K busted ass for me on sunday. and tonight, Miss S and Miss L are back to help kick my ass into gear.

and then, nothing but me staring at the wall and my unpacked boxes wondering where the hell my underwear is.

Friday, May 27, 2005

nothing says "hot!" like a girl with snot!

i just don't understand how i could be getting worse...i was totally on the road to recovery.

and did i mention that i'm so NOT packed to move this weekend.

so screwed.

Monday, May 23, 2005

who's a big whore? i'm a big whore

so this saturday was my "farewell" bbq at my group house. it was more a way for me to say good bye to the house...and to allow my friends to say good bye to big house parties.

anyways, i totally invited the roommate who is to replace me in the house. i always thought he a bit on the cute side...and his goofy humor just endeared him to me more. so i was pleased when he was able to come.

so after the bbq (where i got him nice and drunk) we went to one of my favorite places to dance (Heaven/Hell). had more drinks and cautiously flirted (can't be too agressive in case he had no desire. i mean, COME ON, i'm going to live just half a block away. i wouuld rather not have to dodge him if i ran into him at the un-safeway.). and that's when he pecked me on the lips when the others were getting drinks (which brought to my mind Miss R's philosphy on how men need to get some balls and really kiss a woman that they are attracted to so that it leaves no doubt in the woman's mind about their feelings.). drunken mistake? i don't know.

though later in Hell, his tongue in my mouth was a pretty clear indication about how he felt. or at least that he thought his best chance to get laid was with me.

i never realize how rare it was to find a guy who had the same make out style as yourself. so not only did the New Roommate enjoy my style, but he upped the ante. so hottttt. and before you ask, no, i'm a good little girl and the muffin remained closed.

so, of course, now my obsessing begins.
but i'm too cool to let on that i totally dig him.
it's just not done.

Friday, May 20, 2005

so long and thanks for all the fish

songs running through my head this weekend

1. i predict a riot (kaiser chiefs)
2. 24 (jem)
3. want you bad (the offspring)
4. so long (from the hitchiker's guide to the galaxy)

lesson of the day

it's not possible to eat hot pockets AND THEN an entire loaf of pepperridge farm five cheese garlic bread.

i woke up this morning still feeling full.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

morning thought

was it a tall, profession woman wearing fishnets and a short skirt?

or was it a tall, hooker working the morning shift?

or was it a transvestite?

too close to tell.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

match dating patterns

chat me up

find me funny

ask for my photo as my photo on the site isn't enough to justify my beauty

receive a photo of me via e-mail and scream like a little girl

never correspond with me again

it's because i keep asking where your balls are, isn't it?

lesson of the day

it is NOT possible to eat one's own weight in chocolate.

no matter how hard one tries.

Monday, May 16, 2005

wine this, bitch!

so this past weekend was another tour of the lovely wineries.

miss m managed to keep together and not get fucking wasted.
(good news)

but the antennae on her ol' faithful (motorola v60) fell off. for no FUCKING good reason. (this should have been my cue to drink more.)
(bad news)

so now that at&t has been swallowed by cingular, i ventured over at lunch to get my phone fixed again (i STILL haven't managed to get my charger fixed either. nothing says sex kitten like a chick who pulls out her phone with the charger dangling from it [i'm SO wireless]). apparently now that cingular has proven that their balls are larger then at&t, they won't fix ANY at&t phones. so my options are to fix it myself (super glue anyone?) or get a new phone and new service plan (for 1-2 years) with cingular. fucking whores.
(really bad news)

Friday, May 13, 2005

lesson of the day

stop eating macaroni salad BEFORE the urge to vomit sets in.

no matter how deliciously tangy it may be.

explain it to me

for the past several days i have had A LOT more than my usual amount of gas.

for the life of my i can't pinpoint it to a particular moment.

does this make me look fat?

i have to leave shortly to put my fat ass in tight work out clothes so i can get weighed and measured before i can partake in the "express line" at the gym.

i'm SO not in the mood.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

swim suit ready body

there's something wrong with eating pancakes (with butter and syrup) while searching your gym's web site for tonight's class.

now i feel ill.

today's lesson: never participate in pancake wednesdays at work.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

another point for living alone

i can come home and watch all the freaking As Time Goes By as i want without taking in other people's "feelings" about it.

so instead of getting my fix of Jean and Lionel, i'll be at home sorting out clothes for donation.
i. lead. the. best. life. ever.

Friday, May 06, 2005

my personal war with Bernice, the CVS employee

i should give a little background to bernice's and i epic saga.

normally when i make a purchase at cvs i lay down my cvs "savings" card. not really caring if it the barcode is facing up or not. normally the cvs employee then picks it up to scan it.

first time i dealt with bernice i layed the card down with the barcode not showing. she asked me to turn it around, which i did. she then picks up the scanner to scan the card in.
silly thought: wouldn't it have been easier to just pick up my card instead of the scanner?

so i tuck this reminder away for the next time i deal with bernice.

so the next time i see that bernice is working, i dutifully place my cvs card with the barcode facing up along with my purchases. she then mumbles something at me about picking up the soda i just put on the counter. confused, i picked it up trying to see what the matter was. i said "sorry?" and she gets all pissy with me and turns my soda bottle aroound so she can scan it in! so you're telling me that i need to have all the barcodes facing you because it's NOT YOUR JOB TO PICK UP THE ITEMS AND SCAN THEM IN???
i was a bit upset when i left.

so when i saw that lovely bernice was working this morning, i almost left the cvs. instead my margarita-induced parched throat forced me to wait in line and watch her "work." this time, no real instances. with me. a few girls ahead she was knocking their stuff around and smooshing their chips searching for the ever elusive barcode.

i can't wait for our next meeting....

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

the crazy things people do on the metro

you know when you can tell that someone ahead of you is so PISSED off about the person that is ahead of them?

(quick background: on the metro escalator, etiquette requires that people who are going to stand the whole ride stand on the RIGHT. people who are going to walk up or down walk on the LEFT. it can get ugly when there are tourists here.)

so the woman ahead of me (#1 [normal metro user]) was about to lay the smack down on the woman ahead of her (#2 [crazy bitch]). #1 noticed that on the escalator ride down that the left side was open so just she decided to walk down. right as she moved over, #2 also moved over with the speed only seen in cheetas. and stopped. dead stop. on the LEFT side. she then peered over the side to see if the metro was coming (let's forget that the little blinking lights in the floor let you know if the train is coming). then #2 noticed a friend and proceeded to slow to a crawl and block most of the area immediately off the escalators on the platforms...causing a slight traffic jam as people couldn't get around. #1 started to get more and more frustrated. i think she was about ready to trip #2. #2 and her friend proceeded to get in the way of #1 for most of the walk up the platform.

it was awesome to witness.

dating & the city

"pull your balls out of your purse"

what women sometimes feel like screaming at the idiots that they are on dates with.