:: m a y h e m b y m i s s m ::

do you have any idea how hard it is some mornings to make a glass of water without vomiting?!?

Thursday, May 31, 2007

it's the little things that make me happy


i got an e-mail from a friend and in it she writes "I love your rage entries about work! It is extra funny since I know you and the fact that you come off as very sweet and nice. I know the rage that boils behind the happy face! What a good little soldier!!"

and i thought to myself "i do put on a good face. people barely think i have any emotions at all. i should fix that...starting with gfb. that fucking, dirty, cum-guzzling whore bag."


Wednesday, May 30, 2007

must. control. urge. to. maim.

seriously people.
are we being stupid today as some sort of delayed hangover from the long weekend?

the next person who pisses me off may just lose an appendage...starting with the genitals.


Tuesday, May 29, 2007

never have i ever...

...thought i would have watched barney.


i destroyed that record this weekend.
now i can't get that john jacob jingle hammersmith song out of my head.


a question i never thought i would hear

"so...do you work?"

coming from dc, i never thought i would hear that as the first question a stranger would asked. normally it's "what do you do?" but i looked around the room at the party i was at and realized that 1) i'm in the suburbs in long island, and 2) everyone here is a mother but me.

that's when i wondered off to find the trash can full of beer...


Friday, May 25, 2007


my day so far:

6:50: alarm goes off
6:52: freshmeat texts me to tell me how much she hates me
8:00: roll out of bed and face the scary fact that i need to get ready for work
9:10: come into work
9:25: get SCOLDED LIKE I'M A CHILD* by gfb in front of a coworker
9:26: try to control the rage to maim

*actual conversation
gfb: freshmeat's phone is forwarded to the operator
me: oh. i thought she forwarded them to you.
gfb: i know. but they are forwarded to the operator instead. how do you change it?
me: oh. don't you remember?
gfb: no.
me: okay.
gfb: don't roll your EYES AT ME!
me: i didn't roll my eyes. but i'm sorry if you thought i did.


bad idea #10,593,021

i really have to stop thinking that going dancing after drinking margaritas since 6 pm AND THEN going to work the next day is AN AWESOME IDEA.


Thursday, May 24, 2007

day two...
a.k.a. paris...city of little white bits of fluff

*seriously...i saw white bits of fluff floating all around that city.

today was supposed to be my EIFFEL TOWER DAY. i was going to go see the tower, take a balloon ride, and see the sites around the area.

instead i waited in line for 40 minutes before i realized two things.
1. i was in the wrong line.
2. the top floor was closed.

so i stepped out of line, took some pictures and traveled along the champs de mars (where i was thoroughly amused at how they protected their trees).

after that i walked over to check out napoleon's tomb tucked in the hôtel des invalides (which contains all the invalides museums, and where i was pleasantly surprised by the french resistance museum).

afterwards i strolled down the seine to check out the ever-popular musée d'orsay.

afterwards i continued my stroll down the seine on quai voltaire, where everyone who was anyone (read: 19th century artists) used to live. then i popped over to a few more churches, and called it a day.


Wednesday, May 23, 2007

day one...
a.k.a. french women got fat

*i seriously did not see any more or any less thin women than i would have seen in LA or new york.

ahhh...i arrive in paris and the french child next to me survived. there was some doubts when he leaned up against me to nap.

getting through passport control was the easiest thing ever (though crossing the border into mexico as a child was pretty damn easy as well). they didn't ask me any questions. simply took my passport and stamped it. plus, the non-eu line was totally shorter and moved faster. i thought "i'm totally digging france."

manage to navigate the train system to arrive at the stop for my hotel. i get out and see the parisian streets and finally feel like i'm there. i turn around and i'm immediately confronted with a mcdonald's. (hmmm...it's just like home).

my hotel was totally cute and quaint...until i'm told my shower is on the floor below me (which they failed to mention when i got the room). then i noticed that my door can only open so much (not enough room for myself and my luggage to go through at the same time).

but whatever, i'm in paris!

even if my view is that of someone storing vegetables and shoes outside their window.

in an attempt to beat jet lag i immediately set out to see the sites...starting with père lachaise cemetery.

where i got to see oscar wilde's tomb (and the many, MANY people who have kissed it).

streets and streets of eerie tombs...

then i got lost and the crows (ravens?) came. i decided it was time to leave.

after that i jetted over to parc de villette. while some of the architecture around was interesting, their "walk of childhood fears" was a totally let down. then over to see eglise st-germain-des-prés.

at this point i'm starting to get tired, but i push on to see the jardin du luxembourg and it's beautiful medici fountain.

it was then that i decided i need food, english, and a bed.


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

today's view of the eiffel tower

i know.
you would think that i would have run out of tower photos to show.
but honestly...this is only a slim picking of what i have on my camera.

it boggles the mind.


i'm becoming more of a bitch at work...

took me long enough (some would say).

instead of being all nice and sweet (i know some of you would find it shocking that i can be nice), i'm just going to be a bitch.

i guess i'm just tired of people not doing their jobs and then passing the buck along to me. and these are people NOT EVEN IN MY OWN DEPARTMENT!

grrr...time to put on my bitch face.


Monday, May 21, 2007

today's view of the eiffel tower

on my last night in paris i trucked it back out to the tower for one last goodbye (obviously i hadn't seen it enough during my 10 days there!).


Friday, May 18, 2007

today's view of the eiffel tower

yeah...i was trying to be all artsy and get the horses in with the tower...and failed.
then i ate some chocolate and moved on.

i heal quickly.


Thursday, May 17, 2007

you know it's going to be a rough day when you already want to go home and it's only 10:30

some how i got a rip in my pants.

in the seat of them.

near the crotch.

thank goodness i'm wearing dark underwear that almost blends with my pants.

i'm SO pretty.


today's view of the eiffel tower*

this is the view from notre dame.
damn straight.
i climbed all the way to the top.

*the tower is in the background on the right...peer through the haze.


Wednesday, May 16, 2007

today's view of the eiffel tower

that's one of the obelisks from luxor in the foreground (another one can be found in london).

how does no one mention the smog in paris?


Tuesday, May 15, 2007

being awake since 5:30 makes me do stupid things

like wear a rather inappropriate bra to work.

no one needs to see that.


Monday, May 14, 2007


due to my veal stall getting new carpet, i spent my thursday at home popping valium and my friday in someone else's office.

i don't think i've ever been more productive all my life.

and i don't think it was due to the valium...

this time.


Tuesday, May 08, 2007

that girl makes me do bad things

this is what happens when you leave work and that girl and i are still around...and so are the post-its.


today's view of the eiffel tower

this is the wall of peace...where "peace" is written in every possible language.
and what's that in the background...yeahhhh....

p.s. - i pinky swear that i'll write a real post...some day


Monday, May 07, 2007

today's view of the eiffel tower

my very first time i saw the eiffel tower.



Friday, May 04, 2007

today's view of the eiffel tower

as i was showing some friends my photos of my trip to paris, i realized i took a damn lot of photos of the eiffel tower (as seen from various locations around paris.

i mean A LOT.

so here's the view from a balloon ride i took one day...


i'm so full of hate today

you ever have those moments when you don't think you can hate work or certain people anymore, but lo and behold they do something and you realize your capacity for hate is greater than you ever thought.

yeahhhh...i'm going to really need that drink after work tonight.


Thursday, May 03, 2007

this is what happens when i avoid doing work

marci (that sexy banana) tagged me with this...and i'm too unmotivated to do my work this morning (well, that's my excuse today anyways).

A - Available or Single? singularly available

B - Best Friend: dcsportschick and vodka

C - Cake or Pie: cake

D - Drink of Choice: orange vodka and 7-up / orange-flavored fanta

E - Essential Items: hair defrizzer, lip gloss, eyeliner

F - Favorite Color: blue...and green

G - Gummi Bears or Worms? bears

H - Hometown: long beach, california

I - Indulgence: my ever-growing collection of tv shows on dvd

J - January or February: ew! i hate both

K - Kids: are awesome when they can't talk and i can bounce them until the vomit. then they can't rat me out.

L - Life is incomplete without: vodka. oh, wait...am i supposed to answer this seriously?

M - Marriage Date: every summer...because a marriage in vegas doesn't really count any where else, right?

N - Number of Siblings: two...both younger

O - Oranges or Apples? apples

P - Phobias/Fears: drowning and sea life (this is what happens when you grow up near the beach and there are shark attacks)

Q - Favorite Quote: (i tried to think of one...and i just can't. i'm a loser.)

R - Reasons to smile: i really shouldn't answer "vodka" to this one, right?

S - Season: spring...when's it's nice and warm before it becomes disgusting and gross

T - Tag Three: kbean, random girl, and julia (the theme here is "people who knew me BEFORE i started this blog)

U - Unknown Fact About Me: i like to eat frosting straight from the can

V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? me eat meat

W - Worst Habits: sometimes i over-plan things; i hate on a lot of people

X – X-rays or Ultrasounds? x-rays???

Y - Your Favorite Foods: burritos, enchiladas, quesadillas, queso (can you tell i grew up near the border?)

Z - Zodiac: aries (hence the over-planning...and the drinking)


Wednesday, May 02, 2007

my cleavage embarrasses me too

dear bossman,

my sincere apologies for last friday. i had no idea just how much you could see down my top as i was bending over helping you tape up boxes. it wasn't until the end of the day that i realize that you were intently staring at the boxes for a reason.

i cross my heart that the next time we have to pack up the office i'll wear a more appropriate top.



Tuesday, May 01, 2007

porn for privates*

*freshmeat really should "copyright" her ideas

so one of the ideas that came out of drinking last night was that freshmeat and i would send some servicemen some care packages. both of us thought the appropriate items would be cigarettes and porn.

duh. right?

apparently we were WAAAAY off base with that one.
it appears that appropriate items include pudding, non-political comics, and toilet paper.

yeah, i'm still laughing over this BRILLIANT idea.

though...we are still considering doing it as we are sure it would be popular with the servicemen.


go ahead and judge me*

*i would judge me too.

so yesterday, for whatever reason, i totally went hog wild on itunes and purchased all these songs i would probably never admit to owning.

it started off innocently enough with me checking out the free download of the week...and then it just spiraled out of control.

next thing i knew i had carrie underwood (before he cheats), avril lavigne (girlfriend), fall out boy (this ain't a scene, it's an arms race), red hot chili peppers (snow [hey oh]), and the killers (read my mind) downloaded before i could stop myself.

oh, the shame.