:: m a y h e m b y m i s s m ::

do you have any idea how hard it is some mornings to make a glass of water without vomiting?!?

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

i suddenly need new underpants

so i just went to check my site meter. and instead of the usual 40-ish hits i had something like over 400 hits for yesterday and today.

after i picked myself up off the floor, i checked to see where this plethora of people were coming from. looks like i need to send a special thanks to Wonkette for the mention.

Monday, February 26, 2007

spot the bus?

so i just heard that there's a contest to spot a bus that's been painted to represent the eu presidency in germany (from now until June 30th). if you happen to "spot the bus," take a digital photo and send it to Germany Info for a chance to win a prize.

the contest is from now until June 30th.

(it sounds like the bus runs on the 30s line.)

Friday, February 23, 2007

i just sit around with my thumb up my ass
what do you do?

one of the glorious things about giselle, the french bitch (gfb) being here is that about 1/3 of my job is going to her.
[insert happy dance here]

so i'm starting her off easy by cc'ing her on e-mails so she can get a feel of what kind of things may come up.
after one such e-mail she comes to find me to ask about a particular task.

gfb: so have you been doing this task as long as my predecessor (the lazy whore) has been gone?
me: oh, no.
gfb: how long have you been doing this?
me: years.
gfb: why are all your duties being given to me?

::me staring blankly at her::

gfb: i'm just wondering.
me: i believe the grand formage wanted all these tasks to be done by one person.
gfb: so what will you do?
me: now i can concentrate on my other projects.
gfb: what do you do?


for the past few weeks i've had crap thrown at me from just about every aspect of my life. yet for some unexplainable reason the last few days i've felt...happy and content. there's no real reason for me to feel this way. i even caught myself laughing at the wacky-wacky things that have happened to me. things, that before, would have sent me cursing.

just what the hell happened to the delightfully charming, bitter hag that i once was?!?

then i remembered.
i used to be a happy child. i rarely was ever in a foul mood. i was content with doing just about anything.

so i guess the real question is what happened to that happy-go-lucky child to make her become a bitter bitch??

p.s. - the answer is NOT vodka!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

i found the most FANTASTIC thing on tv this weekend

after a sunday brunch with kbean, i got trapped in the suburbs by her cohorts (vcakes and megtern) until monday morning. but the upside of all this (besides the trip to ikea) was the delicious cable i got to watch.

while scrolling through the PLETHORA of channels i saw something called Pants-Off Dance-Off (it's on Fuse [a channel i've never heard of either]). if you have never seen this, do yourself a favor and watch it.

the. most. amazing. thing. ever.

people take off their clothes while dancing to "popular" music. then the viewers at home vote (text) for their favorites. to actually see who won, you have to go to the website.

and the best part of the show?

Jodi Sweetin is the host.
you know...the child actor who played Stephanie on Full House.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

the british museum
i could live and die there

valium makes me not care enough to put effort into this post...

ahhh...sweet, sweet valium.

one of my most favorite museums i saw in london was the british museum. it was like seeing everything i ever studied come to life for me.

the infamous rosetta stone...

their assyrian and egyptian rooms...

their gorgeous greek artifacts...

and who doesn't love dead people...

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

a day of firsts

yup. i'm still going through my photos from london. here are some photos from my first day there...as i desperately tried to stay awake.

i was so delirious at this point that i totally became a 12 year-old boy and giggled when i saw this sign.

my "delightful" first london hostel. yeah, it's down a sketchy alley. always awesome to walk back after dark down that. drunk.

the first london phone boxes i found that weren't covered in ads for escorts.

the first museum i had to pee at.

the pub where i had my first beer. one minute later i almost hurt my forehead as it slammed down on the bar due to lack of sleep.

giselle, the french bitch*

[note: work lost all internet access thursday afternoon. never have i ever been so despondent as ALL those MANY hours without access to the internet.]

so today we get the dreaded giselle.
the new employee that has managed to piss off all the peons.

we are going to make her sit by herself at the lunch table.

*so named because she is french and coupling had an episode with a french woman named giselle and everyone was running around shouting "i'm giselle, a french bitch!" it was hilarious.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

how i spent my valentine's evening

standing in line getting my prescription filled for valium.

anyone else think that's HILARIOUS??

just me?


Tuesday, February 13, 2007

apparently i'm a text-aholic

i recently opened my cell phone bill to discover that it's $20 more than usual.
i scan through the charges and cringe when i get to my text message part.


i get unlimited free text and pix messages to anyone else who is a verizon customer. then i get an additional 50 free text and pix messages to anyone else.

i somehow went over my limit by 198 messages.

Sweet Jaysus!
who the hell have i been texting?!?!*

*unlike cingular/at&t, verizon doesn't tell me who i texted...just the motherfucking grand total.

Monday, February 12, 2007

luxembourg: home of meat and stone

i couldn't resist trying all the different types of meat that the hostel was serving for breakfast...

then as we walked around the city, we were constantly stumbling upon more and more of the ancient castle walls...absolutely beautiful.

my weekend

number of items purchased at target: 11

number of items actually on my list: 4

number of times the drunk idiot at the bar claimed to be a "sixth generation floridian:" 7

number of minutes trying to focus long enough to figure out what to wear to the grocery store: 8

number of loads of laundry: 3

number of underwear i now own: 40

number of underwear i would actually let some guy see me in: 4

Friday, February 09, 2007

forget ordinary rooftops!

in an attempt to forget that i have a job, i'm posting some more photos...

as we were coming back from luxembourg, the group decided (while i was passed out [cars put me to sleep better than a bottle of vodka]) to make a stop in belgium to grab a beer at some really awesome bar.

i totally loved these rooftops which i saw as we were winding our way through the streets trying to find the bar.

and as you see, we eventually found ourselves at a lovely place with lots of belgium beer (note the beer that has it's own holder [in the back on the left]).

lesson of the day:
stay off of glaciers

last night i had a dream* about kbean and her recent proposal.**

kbean and soon-to-be-mr-kbean decided that they need to show me the proposal site complete with the guide they had hired the first time.
they showed me the site and it was gorgeous. as we were leaving the glacier started to crack (due to global warming). the guide told us that we need to slide down the glacier to safety, which we do (it's turning to mush at this point). at some point when we reach the bottom, the glacier run-off has formed a river. last thing i can remember is all of us holding onto the side of the glacier river bank.

so i learned two things...
1. stay off of glaciers
2. don't ever get the nastiness that is a sloe gin fizz

*that's what i get for decided to branch out and try a sloe gin fizz
**set in the french alps...like you do.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

well, flickr me this

i was reading going deutsch and looking at all of her photos and i realized that i haven't updated flickr with any of my london photos. the shame!

so i spent most of my evening uploading and looking through them. i can't believe i haven't shared some of my favorites with the 4 people who read this.

like take this one for example:

we were in luxembourg at the time and i saw this sign and totally started laughing.
i think it's the tomatoes as cheeks that did it for me.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

just in time! a formula for beer goggles

i'm TOTALLY bringing this formula* with me to the next happy hour.

hmmm...i wonder why the good people of Manchester were the ones to first come up with this...

*thanks to freshmeat for bringing it to my attention.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

every day i find something new to depress me

depressing fact that i realized last night

i haven't been on a date the entire first year* of my thirties.

this better not be a fucking trend.

*have less than two months to fix this

Monday, February 05, 2007

nothing makes me feel better than a bowl full of CRAZY

so i've been intrigued with DCSC's post about a certain woman who claims to have been (or is?) Michael Jordan's mistress.

please do yourself a favor read it and check out the comments!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

maybe i do need a vacation

the following conversation took place one afternoon when i walked into the BossMan's office.

bossman: oh no! what's wrong?!?!

me:: uhhh...nothing. i just had a question.

bossman: your face has this horrible expression on it.

me: ummm...that's how i always look.