:: m a y h e m b y m i s s m ::

do you have any idea how hard it is some mornings to make a glass of water without vomiting?!?

Monday, October 31, 2005

Not Your Mother’s Halloween Party

I love dressing up for Halloween. I make sure I do it every year. Usually buying more than one costume in my quest for the Best-Costume-That-Will-Make-Me-Look-Hot. It probably has to do with the fact that growing up I was never allowed to “celebrate” Halloween. No dressing up. No treat-or-treating. Nothing. Not even the church’s alternative to Halloween. My siblings and I sat in the back room playing games while my mother passed out tracts. When we were older we were allowed to pass out the tracts ourselves. Hooray. (Another example of my mother’s protectiveness was when she and her sister prayed over me to pray the demons out of me. My sin? I read a Stephen King novel [Misery]. I could go on with other examples, but then you all would need to join me in therapy to work it out.)

So this year I dressed up as a gypsy and told people’s fortunes regarding their love life. It was highly amusing.

I started off the day at a wedding. The ceremony was at 2:30 with the reception starting at 4. Silly me thought I would have plenty of time once the reception ended to go home, change, and metro out to Ballston. When I left the reception at 8:20 the dancing was just starting (they scheduled to cut the cake at 9:15!). Woof!

So DCSC and I showed up just as the party was getting started. They had set up beer pong, the keg was tapped, and the punch was made. Good times ahead!

First we had Mary-Kate and Ashley stop by to get old-school wasted.

But never fear, the Sheriff and the Canadians were there to make sure things didn’t get out of hand.

The Sheriff, Red Riding Hood, and the TSA Agent all played a wicked game of beer pong (but who is the shawody figure in the background.

The Flight Attendant had to ask Ashley to put her booze down BEFORE boarding the plane.

But Ashley didn’t care because she found her groove!

At one point we were invaded my cartoon characters and tennis pros! (watch how the blue on the smurf slowing comes off on everything he touches…including alvin)

And through it all God was watching over us and smiling.

Highlights include: looking around the dance area and realize there was soft porn going on in each corner; watching Gilligan pass out sitting upright in a chair; watching the Flight Attendant fill up her cup with fruit from the punch bowl knowing that it will make her ill the next day; realizing God is one sexy bitch; having the Sheriff sit next to me and then proceed to pass out and only wake up with someone either jumped on top of him or popped a balloon; and the random people (who did bring the Shipyard Pumpkin Ale) vomit and clog the upstairs bathroom which then caused a leak in the kitchen.

Good times were had by all.

things I learned this weekend…

1. A wedding CAN and WILL last forever on the one day that you want it to end earlier so you can whore yourself up for a party. (whoring oneself up takes time)

2. I totally sobbed at last night’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Those bastards played with our emotions about two people impaled on a steel rod while the doctors decide who lives and dies.

Crap. I’m going to cry. Damn you ABC for making me feel!

3. Nothing makes you feel so special as when a guy passes out on you while you sit on a couch because you are so soft.

4. Red Top Cab is DEAD to me. You bastards!

5. Balloon popping still freaks me the fuck out.

6. ChicagoCrush is just as hot and cool in person. And he didn't care that most of my stories started off with "so I'm wasted at this bar..."

7. Even though I can't pick up guys in a bar apparently I can just by walking down the street buoyed up with courage from many drinks, a hot pocket, and 1/2 hour play of DDR with some FIERCE competition.

Thursday, October 27, 2005


I think I may fall in love with my shithole apartment building after all. As I was walking out this morning another tenant asked if I was new and then proceeded to tell me that they are having a party on the front steps on Monday with "a keg and some rum" while passing out candy to the neighborhood kids. Now, I had already planned on fixing myself a beverage while passing out candy like I do every year, but now there's A KEG INVOLVED!

Holy. Crap. Batman.

I love you guys.

Holy Crap!

I work in an industry that doesn't attract a lot of (straight) men. So when you start corresponding with one and he turns out to be cute (okay, so I totally googled him because that's what I do. I stalk.), I developed a little crush on him. (Little because he works and lives in Chicago.)

Still had one even after he told me his girlfriend was moving in, after they got engaged, and even after he sent me a photo of them at their wedding.

Just got an e-mail from him, stating that he's in town and wants to me up.

Holy crap. I mean it's totally innocent, but I just hope I don't drool when I'm face-to-face with him.

UPDATE: we are SO meeting tonight at M&A's for karaoke (well, i'm mocking, he may be singing). Oh, ChicagoCrush, you are so cute.

Jell-o Shot Recipe Thursday

I love making this jell-o shot as everyone, after tasting it, wants to know what’s in it and are surprised to learn that it’s made with soda and not water (for an extra cherry taste use cherry coke). Makes me feel very Betty Crocker-y.

Kent’s Cherry Cuba Libre

1 small box Cherry Jell-O (do not use black cherry)
1 cup boiling Coca-Cola
1/2 cup cold Coca-Cola
1/2 cup white Rum
Prepare the usual way.


And for those who were curious how my friend and I came up with a Pumpkin Pie jell-o shot recipe…

2 parts Kahlua
2 parts Bailey’s
1 part Goldschlager

And because we were using Knox’s as a base we threw in some pumpkin pie filling and apple cider to get it a more pumpkin-y taste.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Visiting the Bronx, Part Deux

Quick side note: I went with DCSC and Fred to the High Heel Races and it was an awesome good time. So many gorgeous outfits and the hotness factory was off the charts! Hopefully DCSC will have the pictures posted in a few days…

Back to the Bronx…

The other memorable part of my visit to my friend is the trip we took to the Botanical Gardens. Again, I have a problem with the price. You could either buy a combination ticket for $13 (students $11), which includes admission to grounds, conservatory, children’s garden, rock and native plant gardens, tram tours, and some other crap, or you could buy one ticket that allowed you to wander the grounds but none of the fun stuff for something like $7 ($2 for students). Well, my friend and I only wanted to check out the conservatory and the grounds (TheTurnip being only 3 months old wouldn’t noticed if he missed out on the children’s garden) and we both had student ids with no expiration dates on them. Imagine our surprise when we got to the conservatory and found out that admission there was $7 for students! What the hell?! I wish they had listed all the prices for all the “extras” at the beginning so we could decide what kind of ticket to buy. Bastards.

Anyways, it was actually a lovely time there. Lots of trees, plants, and whatnot. Lots of walking. With a stroller. I kept referring to it as the deathmarch.

Apparently at about 3 months is when the olfactory system is developing or active, so we were lifting TheTurnip to all the flowers so he could smell them. And let me tell you, there are A LOT of flowers in the Peggy Rockefeller Rose Garden. Woof!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Weird Ass Sticker Tuesday

A little while ago, a coworker gave me a sheet of stickers that she pulled from a magazine because she thought I would love them.

They are so disturbing and odd and plain ass weird!

It took me awhile to decide which one was the weirdest. But I think this is the winner:

Comments are most welcomed!

Monday, October 24, 2005

Things I learned this weekend…

1. Packing tape is not the best way to attach fabric to your walls unless you enjoy waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of ripping tape and something falling on your face.

2. Coming up with a pumpkin pie jell-o shot recipe is harder than it should be.

3. Nothing is more disgusting than taste testing recipes and one of them coming out like rotten pumpkin flavor.

4. Sometimes when you can’t decide between two pair of sunglasses you should just get both...and that cute little apron over there.

5. Boys are too easily turned on, but it’s amusing when you get to send them home complaining about how it’s another evening of “corn flakes and porn” for them. Muhahaha!

Friday, October 21, 2005

This Week’s Highlights

1. The server at m&a tried to make us feel old just because we refused to order a jell-o shot when the light bulb went on. Fool.

2. “Pouch of Happiness” being described as that area between the elastic top of your underwear and the elastic top of your yoga pants that bulges out. A sign that life has indeed been good.

3. Accidentally finding out that a coworker is potentially going through a separation from her husband and having no one to talk about. Maybe this is why she’s been such a raging bitch for months now. I almost feel bad for wanting to tell her to suck it. Almost.

4. Finding out that the Aveda Institute in Chinatown is finally open! Finally, a place to get cheap (and apparently quality) waxing (they are all in training, hence the cheapness).

5. Looking at the remains from my stomach and realizing it was that LAST vodka and pineapple drink that did me in. bastards.

6. My brother is living in sin…and he didn’t get the “temptations of the flesh” talk that I got when I did that years ago. My (extended) family has this awful double standard. It’s amazing what the men in my family get away with. They are the ones who should suck it.

About last night...

I rarely wake up with a hangover. So you know that last night must have been...interesting as I woke up at 8:25 and spent the next hour convincing myself that I could somehow drag my ass to work with a headache and the urge to vomit. Let me recap for you.

I met up with a friend for drinks at Millie & Al's. We used to go there A LOT when we lived in the same group house. We started with beer and switched to Jack and diet. Now Jack and I were BFF in college, but we had a falling out my senior year and we haven't spoken since. And after last night, I'm not sure if we can piece back our friendship.

So my friend and I did a lot of chatting and drinking and at one point we decide that we HAVE TO go to Heaven for 80s night (part of our group house ritual). I don't know how many times I almost tripped walking down that street in heels and every time shouting "I'M NOT DRUNK, I'm clumsy!" Pretty. But a nice "thank you!" to the guy who warned us that some girl just vomited on sidewalk and to watch out for it.

We get to Heaven and find everyone's favorite bartender, Jerry. He is such a sweetheart and he'll hold your jacket. Bless him! That's when I see him...TheBartender I use to date about 4 years ago. I met him one evening in Hell (insert appropriate bartender from hell jokes here). We went out for a few months. He had quit working there many years back, but I guess he's back. Bastards. I then immediately forgot about him, because we had dancing and drinking to do.

At this point I had switched to vodka and pineapple and I'm shaking my ass (in a "I'm the world's best dancer when I've been drinking" kind of way. Pretty, I know.). Next thing I know they are shouting last call. We all stumble out, say our goodbyes and head home. That's when I realize that I lost my fob-thingy that gets me into my apartment building. Greeeat. At least the lock on the door hasn't been removed yet and I can still use the key to get in. I pray that my fob-thingy is at M&A. Otherwise I'll have to shell out $50 for a replacement. I woke up this morning somehow in my pajamas. I really need McDonald's greasy-greasy breakfast.

So I'm here, reeking of smoke and feeling like ass. I'm SO pretty.

e-mail update from my friend on what happened when she got home: "I broke both of my keys trying to get in the house last night.  One snapped off in the lock so now the front door can't be locked! Oops! Think I made a snack (obviously!) and then woke up on the couch using a roommate's laptop as a pillow (v. hard) at 4:30am when my boyfriend called in a panic to find out where I was.  Oops!"

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Jell-o Shot Recipe Thursday

These shots will put hair on your chest!

Ultimate Jell-o Shots
2 cups everclear, 190 proof
3 boxes of Jell-o (any flavor)
3 cups boiling water

caution: flammable

Normally I make these some random flavor like grape to help hide the taste and to make them easy to pick out while passing out jell-o shots (I have been known to take another kind, such as amaretto sour, out of some guy's hand and force him to prove he's a man by doing one of these).

When I made it with the 2 cups of everclear they were waaaay strong (to the point that anyone new that I met I couldn't remember their names and told them so and then renamed them something I could remember. "I won't remember 'Matt.' Your name is now 'Lucky!" Yes, I am pretty when I'm drunk).

I think the last time I made them I only used 1 1/4 cups and people were still complaining about the burning of their throats. Wimps.

Monday, October 17, 2005

I think I need new underpants from almost peeing my pants from laughing

I'm a secret (or not so secret if you look at my "people who live to entertain me" listing) fan of mommy (and occasionally daddy) bloggers.

I almost lost my shit when I read this ("Scene One" especially).

Things I learned this weekend…

1. Pop rocks are an AWESOME addition to any drink. Think of it as the Snap, Crackle, and Pop of the drink world. Thanks Sports Chick for all those delicious (and deadly) drinks.

2. When people drink they come to the obvious conclusion that Veronica Adams is the most perfect pseudonym for a romance writer.

3. Sometimes people have revisionist history when it comes to saying which of your friends figured out that someone was knocked up. (I questioned it first, bitch!!!)

4. Stop watching old episodes of Law and Order: SVU RIGHT before going to bed. I don’t think I can take much more of waking up with my pulse racing like that. Woof.

5. Stick of Butter finally received his name: Tia Shan. [Okay, I really learned that this morning. But whatever. Bite me.]

Friday, October 14, 2005

This Week’s Highlights

1. Being told that someone said that I’m not doing my job….behind my back with no chance to defend myself.
(Excuse me, but this is your fucking book! Shouldn’t you know what’s going on with it. SUCK IT HARD, BITCH!)

2. Having a simple job spin out of control because a certain person is lazy and is asking you to do all the work and then has the balls to tell you “Whew, so much time spent on this.”
(yeah, bitch? What exactly did you do on this? Suck it!)

3. Seeing the PainfulHotNeighbor and realizing that he lives on your floor just a few doors down.
Of course you realize this while you were wearing flannel pajama pants and a big comfy sweater while walking TheChild to your door at 11 pm. (bastards!)

4. Actually sticking to the new diet / exercise regime about 83% of the time. Definite improvement.

5. Wearing jeans to work two days in a row.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Jell-o Shot Recipe Thursday

This week's recipe is another party favorite: Bocce Balls.

You will need the following:
2 small boxes (or one large) orange jell-o
1 cup boiling water
1/2 cup amaretto

Now, I normally increase the amaretto quantity to 1 cup, otherwise how is one supposed to get drunk off of these?!?

Note to guys: this shot is especially a favorite with girls.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Hello. My name is Miss M and I'm a Sci-fi-olic

(time for me to dork out for a bit)

I saw Serenity on Tuesday and I enjoyed it quite a bit...but then again I was also a fan of the t.v. show Firefly.

Best part of all was seeing Sean Maher shirtless and all sweaty. I would recommend people seeing it just for that.

grrrr, baby!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Jell-o Shot Recipe of the Week

Last night as I sat back on the comfy couch at Eleventh Street sipping some really tasty drinks (I HIGHLY recommend the Raspberry Beret) in honor of DC Sports Chick's birthday, I was trying to figure out Halloween plans. In years past, my former group house would host a rather large gathering and I would bust my creative ass to make jell-o shots. (There was even one Fourth of July party where I made LAYERED red, white, and blue shots. [fyi: not the easiest thing to do, but using the freezer is key.]) And I realized that this will be the first year that I don't have to make them. I felt a bit sad.


So, I rummaged through my jell-o shot notebook of recipes and I am going to present the best (and worse) shots I've ever made.
(disclaimer: I didn't invent some of these and I've tried to include the web site addresses and where I found them)

I'm starting off easy with my Amaretto Sour shots. Popular with both the guys and chicks.

Litherland's Amaretto Sour Jiggle Shots

Two small boxes (or one large) lime Jell-O

1 cup boiling water

1/2 cup Amaretto (I always thought this amount was ridiculous, so I kept increasing it each time I made it. I would recommend 1 cup)

Dash of lemon juice (either a shots-worth or a tablespoon would do) (this lemon juice is key to giving the shots that "sour" smell. But you can't really taste it all that much when you do the shot)


Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Happy Birthday to...

...DC Sports Chick!

So make sure you send her your best wishes (and caviar dreams?)!

Below is a small sampling of my years with her.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Oh. Dear.

I need someone to help me step AWAY from the lure of Friendster.
I seriously can't stop stalking people on it.


I just had a moment...

I just had a minor freak out moment because I thought I showed up to work with my top on inside out.

who's pretty? I AM!!!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Visiting the Bronx, Part I

My visit to see the BFF, TheHusband, and TheTurnip went really well. I was in such desperate need of a vacation (that I could afford) that the thought of spending a week in a one-bedroom apartment with a three-month old (and TheHusband works out of the apartment as well) sounded like a really, really good idea.

Our first outing was to the Bronx Zoo. What this trip has taught me is that it is expensive to want to do things with children. Adult admission was $12, but that didn’t include all the “attractions.” Admission to everything was $21. What the hell?! When did the zoo become expensive?!? And don’t even get me started on my feelings about MoMA’s admission prices. (whores.)

I guess I’m getting spoiled by all of the free stuff that D.C. has to offer not only to tourists but also its residents. For the love of all that is holy, please go out and enjoy all the culture that can be crammed down your throats before it costs $10 to see the stick of butter at the National Zoo.

Okay, off my soapbox.

While the zoo was great and TheTurnip seemed to enjoy it (during the times that he was awake), the animals had a way of showing us just how pissed off they: most had their back to us and were on the other side of the pen. We have some lovely shots of the backs of monkeys, tigers, and lions.

One of the great new attractions is the Butterfly Garden. Totally awesome! But again we had to pay extra ($3) to get in and there was no coming back to it later in the day. (bastards)

Did I mention my love of monkeys?

Overall, it was a great experience.

We all came home and napped for two hours.