:: m a y h e m b y m i s s m ::

do you have any idea how hard it is some mornings to make a glass of water without vomiting?!?

Monday, January 30, 2006

D.C. Is Experiencing Menopause

Common symptoms of menopause include:

Hot flashes
(um, anyone else been enjoying the unseasonably warm weather this winter?)

(doesn't it seem like Metro [and its employees] is getting more and more cranky?)

Bladder control problems
(the city can't keep a drain feel of debris to save their lives [walking across the Duke Ellington Bridge during or after a rainstorm is risking getting drenched by passing cars who have no compassion. whores.])

Best Quote from the Weekend

"Just look at the girl in pink. She is so a stripper. There is just no other place for her in this world."

Friday, January 27, 2006

Work can...

...suck gigantic, hairy balls!!!!!!

you mofos.

yeah...i'm still stuck at work. whores.

Secret of the Week

My grandmother, who is turning 76 next month, does 1000 crunches every morning.

I have trouble motivating myself to do 100.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Apparently I'm a Dirty Whore

I saw TheChild last night for the first time in months. He finally returned my Eve 6 cd. I had him watch one of my favorite movies, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (if you haven't seen it, please do yourself a favor and go watch it!).

While he was watching it I had other things to do (make and pack breakfast and lunch for the next day). I then told him about my new schedule of getting up and out the door no later than 6:30 every morning, so I now shower at night.

He got this disgusted look on his face and said "You don't shower in the morning?"

I replied, "Does that make me dirty?"

TheIdiotChild responded, "Yeah, kinda."

Let me just say that it takes a loooong time for me to wash, blow dry, and then straighten 8 pounds of fake hair, and I'm not good about getting up on time in the mornings. So anything I can do so that when I leap out of bed at 6:15 I can still head out the door on time, you betcha I'm going to do.

Idiot bastard.

p.s. - I do a rinse off at the gym (with my hair wrapped up in a towel...moisture is a bitch to my hair!).

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

So Soft, Yet So Fake

I was chatting briefly with one of the bouncers at M&A's on Saturday night. During said conversation he noticed that my hair is a lot longer now (it's been 1 year, 5 months, and 21 days since it's been cut). He touched some and mentioned that it's rather soft (it is, but the ends are fried from all the blow drying and straighten I do on an almost daily basis). He then asks me if it's FAKE!

So let me just state for the record: I DO NOT HAVE FAKE HAIR. Just really damaged ends.


Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Hat Day 06 a.k.a. And Then I Fell on my Ass for No Good Reason

Hat Day was another awesome good time!

Kbean, Megtern, and I started the evening off right with flirtinis and dirty poos (dirrrty, I know).

There were A LOT of amazing hats. Below is a sample of the good times.

Kbean (Ski Bunny) and Megtern (Sombrero) ready to rip it up!

Afterwards we played some DDR and ate everything we could find in Kbean's house including crunchy pad thai. Yum!

I know you all wished you had come to Hat Day

Monday, January 23, 2006

EPH Pics

getting our game fingers ready

getting prepared to get our game faces on

documentation of the Boobers injury

I would like to point out that Buggie is actually standing on a stool to be at the proper height for the game. My calves got quite the workout that evening!

we were ready for the strip club if EPH turned out to be hella lame

I have no idea why I took a picture of my tab. Maybe because it's so loooong???

Lubed da Booo

(the other title for this post is "Do You Want to Watch My Friend Down a Bottle of Hot Sauce?")

Friday night was an awesome good time. Marci and Buggie put up a good fight, but there was no way that DCSC and I would let them defeat us.

picture of the teams placement after the practice round (excuse the crappiness of the image)

Eventually we teamed up to oust "Antonio Bell" from the number 1 position.

Highlights of the evening (for me) include: being called a lesbian by some hard up idiots (I haven't been called a lesbian since I was in Ireland); listening to some guy chattering on who works part-time as a wedding photographer; listening to the idiots next to me talk about Buggy (took me awhile to figure out which one they were referring to) [they talked about how "it's hard to tell as she's wearing a sweater. You HAVE TO look at her wrists and her ankles to be sure."]; and of course the hot sauce incident (read it here).

I seriously cannot wait for our next game!

photos from the game are coming after lunch

Friday, January 20, 2006

The. Best. Holiday. Ever.

International Hat Day is Saturday, January 21st
I have photos to share, but they're all tiff files and blogger ain't down with that. bastards.

q: What is International Hat Day?
a: A day set aside for all to go drinking while wearing a silly hat.

q: What are the rules?
a: You have to wear a hat that isn't consider part of the "norm" (so no baseball caps and nothing from The Gap)

q: What happens on Hat Day?
a: First we all meet up at Madhatter (about 7) for drinks and the annual showing off of the hats. Then it's over to Millie & Al's (around 8) for more drinking and the switching of the hats.

q: "Switching of the hats?"
a: People trade their hats around trying to wear as many different hats as possible. BUT you are not allowed to trade with non-Hat Day participants (i.e. the hot guy/girl who doesn't have a hat but is batting their eyes at you begging to wear your über-cool hat) or to leave the bar with a hat that doesn't belong to you. If you do, and I get a photo of you, I will post it here and send it to my friends so we can hate on you.

q: You sound bitter.
a: Some whore walked off with my Viking helmet (complete with braids) a few years ago (I even had my name and number in it. Fucking whore.). Yeah, I'm still bitter about it.

q: Who the hell thought of this?!?
a: Why are you asking questions when you should be out buying a hat?!

best locations to get a hat: hats in the belfry in georgetown and that random costume/hat store near the clarendon metro.

Be silly.
Be creative.
Be excellent.
Be there.

Secret of the Week

One of my ass cheeks is higher than the other.

Apparently after a decade of wearing my messenger bag only on one side (and level with my ass) will make one cheek more firm and sit higher than the other.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

4 Vodka/Diet Cokes + Playing with Bleach = Goooood Times

or was it 5 drinks….

My first thought this morning about last night’s Blogger Happy Hour wasn’t about how I think I called this guy a transsexual whore, but whether or not I was wearing a seat belt on the ride home. I don’t think I was. The horror!

It was totally awesome meeting so many fun people. The highlights for me include finding out that Law-Rah loves to play Erotic Photo Hunt as much as DCSC and I do (the Lubers are taking the Boobers down tomorrow night!!) and trying to convince Ryan that you can totally have a conversation with someone by just using the word “dude” (hey, I’m from California. I’ve been known to converse with other Californians with just that one word. It’s like a state sport.).

Duuuude…good times all around.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

You know what gets me hot?

Cocoa Chex Mix!!

It's so FREAKIN' tasty!

do yourself a favor and get some!
before I buy them all out...

I think I spent most of yesterday in a cocoa chex mix coma...

Friday, January 13, 2006

Secret of the Week

Eminem's When I'm Gone makes me tear up whenever I hear it or see the video.

Oh the shame!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

What Do You Do When There’s ASS in Your Face?

After my workout yesterday, I stepped into the locker room to quickly change and shower the sweat off my body. Unfortunately there was a young woman sitting in front of my locker (in a towel) rubbing lotion on her body. I asked to get into my locker, and she obliged me and moved over. So I’m bending over to work the combination on the lock and I notice that HER ASS is in MY FACE. She then proceeds to lotion HER ASS while my head is a mere few inches from HER ASS (side note: I need about a few feet of space between myself and the next person before I feel comfortable enough to undress). Then she slipped on her thong. That girl had no shame.

I had to try THREE times to get my lock combination right.

End My Pain

The Lazy Whore and the Michael Bolton are discussing the issue of health care in this nation and worldwide (especially in Canada).

My ears are bleeding.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I Think My IQ Dropped a Few Points

Last night I caught most of Flavor of Love. Now I was expecting the usual amount of crap that goes along with a show of this quality. But NOTHING prepared me for some of the most FANTASTIC moments of girls screaming/fighting other girls (beyond ANYTHING that The Bachelor or Joe Millionaire could ever do). I wish I could find photos of them all, but alas you'll have to check them out at the show's site.

Other than the fighting, the show blew major balls. The show mostly consisted of girls running around in skimpy outfits as they allowed Flava Flav to fondle them.

So to sum up: if you like girls getting all ghetto with each while wearing next-to-nothing swim suits, THIS is the show for you!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

elliptical thought of the day

what's my gym nickname???

we all come up for nicknames for the people that we see everyday.

I see Crazy-Stairmaster-Butt Girl, Sweaty-Runs-the-Entire-Time-I'm-There Guy, and Thought-She-Was-a-Teenaged-Boy-at-First Girl.

I wonder what people call me...

I would go with Red-in-the-Face-Constantly Girl or Snorts-While-She-Exercises Girl.

Monday, January 09, 2006

dirtiest work e-mail i've ever received

"the thing is sucking up.....I had to blow the fucker."

elliptical thought of the day

as I'm now spending a part of my morning on the elliptical when my brain hasn't fully woken up, random thoughts keep entering my head...usually as I'm watching vh1 or mtv)

The Pussycat Dolls ARE the new Spice Girls.

1. Both have a variety of "types" of girls (one will surely appeal to most heterosexual males).
2. Stickwitu sound eerily like 2 Become 1.

just saying.

p.s. - if I see the video for Stickwitu one more time I WILL jam a pencil into my eye.

Friday, January 06, 2006

don't EVER pack a lunch for the next day while drunk

contents of today's lunch:

1. diet mountain dew - code red

2. jello pudding (vanilla and chocolate)

3. applesauce

4. pineapple chunks

5. cheese nips

(basically anything that was prepackaged in my frig/cupboard was thrown into a bag for lunch.)

you know what will scare the crap out of me?

being completely naked in the shower at the gym when the fire alarm goes off announcing that everyone must leave the building via the nearest exit.

i never knew fear until that moment.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

how to start the day off wrong

This morning instead of my normal radio morning show when my alarm went off, I got classical music. Now, don't get me wrong, classical music is lovely and whatnot. BUT NOT WHEN I NEED TO WAKE UP. All that does is convince my subconscious to let me continue sleeping.

Apparently had my batteries not died on my walkman (yeah, I know, stone age technology. anyone have good mix tapes?) yesterday I would have realized this when Z104 went off the air at noon.

Now before you ridicule me for my unimaginative taste in music, I would just point out that DC has an APPALLING lack of variety of radio stations. It was one of the hardest things I had to adjust to when I first moved out here from Southern California. So basically I only have four (now THREE) radio stations that I listen to here.


Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Most Awkward Moment of 2006 (so far)

When I had to e-mail a colleague at another institution and ask if another colleague I've been corresponding with for months and months now was a woman or a man.

and the answer to your unasked question: woman

Tuesday, January 03, 2006


did you know that there is a 6:30 in the morning?!?

and that there are FUNCTIONING people on the subway at that time?!

who ARE these people?????