:: m a y h e m b y m i s s m ::

do you have any idea how hard it is some mornings to make a glass of water without vomiting?!?

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

A little wine helps one understand Shakespeare SO much

Last Thursday I attended the Free for All at Carter Barron. If you haven't attended yet, there's still time (until June 4th). Pericles was FANTASTIC! I've never read the play so I didn't know anything going into it. But that didn't stop me from laughing, crying, and thoroughly enjoying myself. The costumes and scenery was beautiful.

What I took away from it was an interesting story about fathers and daughters...each one unique in its own way of expressing love...and one very disturbing...

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Move over Butterstick!

I went to the zoo last Friday and fell in love.

I mean who can resist this cute little furball?!

The sloth bear cub (male) just went on view last Tuesday. You can read all about him, his mother, and the father that wants nothing to do with him here.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Martinis are the new diet??

Does anyone else notice that their weight goes down after an evening filled with some drinks?

I dropped 2 pounds from yesterday (because I'm obsessed with my weight, I weigh myself everyday [yes, I know I shouldn't. zip it.].) after an evening that included of 4 cosmos.

It's a trend I've noticed over the years...it's starting to become very tempting to keep adding regular happy hours as a part of my diet plan.

but even MY liver couldn't keep up with that!

Monday, May 22, 2006

I was all prepared to hate you...

I mean there you were...yet another yuppie store taking over a local no-name convenience store...trying to sell us wine. I already hated you and what you stood for.

But my curiosity was piqued. I passed by a few times and saw the spacious setting and the wide selection.

So I stepped in last Saturday morning and it was love at first sight. Oh, the walls and walls of selection (even cold beer). You even had these cute little gifts bags (and not the crappy ones I usually only can get at liquor stores). And bonus was the hottie you had working behind the counter (which was made of brick and marble). Everything made me want to come back again and again. The only thing that would have made the experience better was if there was a wine tasting going on.


Oh, de vinos, I'll be back.

Meanwhile, please get your web site working...it kind of sucks donkey balls.
just saying...

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Oh, you haven't seen "moody" yet, bitch!

So according to FreshMeat, the LazyWhore thought I was "moody" yesterday.

I honestly thought about it and I don't think my behavior to her has been any different than any other time in the last few years.

So either I've been "moody" for years OR the LazyWhore is finally realizing (due to the permanent departure of the Michael Bulton Look-alike) that I refuse to talk to her beyond a daily "good morning."

Friday, May 12, 2006

I {heart} you!!!

FreshMeat came up with her own nickname for the LazyWhore (who we all know how much I hate and despise).

Cum Bucket
(referred to as CB in e-mails)


It's like FreshMeat is my platonic soulmate.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The Winky Chop
a.k.a. How I Spent My Saturday Afternoon

Last Saturday I attended my very first bris.
It was entertaining, and they had delicious food.

The part that no one warned me about was the fact that all the women there have to hold the baby. Now this baby is 8 days old and the last time I held a newborn was probably when my youngest cousin was a newborn (she's now about 20). So I was ever so slightly concerned...because at this age, babies don't bounce when you drop them on the floor.

that and how does one hold a baby AND a glass of wine???

Everything went smoothly. No one except the mohel and the grandparents watched the actual event. And then it was time for the delicious food. The best part of the spread? The pigs in the blanket which were shaped like a certain "winky."

at least I thought so and encouraged others in giggling in my sophomoric humor

Monday, May 08, 2006

I really, really, really hope there's a logical reason for this. Oh please, sweet Jaysus.

Why are all the doorknobs between the lobby and the restroom STICKY????

Friday, May 05, 2006



went to ogle the hotties today at lunch.

there was one particular hot Navy diver guy...shirtless.

and then I had to wipe the drool off my chin.

lunch was good today.

Public Service Recognition Week

or as I like to call it "hotties walking around in uniforms"

Every year the government puts on a "large exposition" on the Mall honoring the men and women serving America as Federal, State, and Local Government employees. This year it's from Thursday, May 4 through Sunday, May 7.

And I've already spent my lunch breaks there...watching the navy guys scuba dive and the random hottness walk by in their fatigues. Definitely makes my lunch times much more interesting!

And today, I'm actually going inside. They have lots of interesting machinery that you get to check out (tanks, helicopters, F-16, etc.). As cheesy as it sounds, it's actually can be really interesting to see ALL the different agencies and what they do.

and did I mention the hot guys walking around??

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Let's not get knocked up before we enter college...

Today is National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

Now, normally I really don't give two shits about "heavy" stuff on my blog. I get enough of that in real life. But this really hits home for me.

I honestly don't care which side you fall on when it comes to the issue of abortion. But seriously, we need to do something, as a nation, about the teen pregnancy problem. If you honestly think this whole teaching abstinence thing is working, you really need to have reality smacked into you. BIG TIME.

Unplanned pregnancy is almost a way of life in my family. Why? Because until this generation my family was Catholic. Good Catholics. Birth control was not something to discuss, because goodness knows NO ONE is having sex until they are married in front of God and their family. Yeah, great philosophy until a child announces she's pregnant (or a male child announces he knocked someone up). Yeah, glad to see that's really working for you (a quick estimation would say that out of all my cousins only two of us were "planned" in and out of marriage).

What really kills me is my aunt, who I think is one of the most amazing and giving people on this planet, didn't talk with her children about birth control because she was certain that none of them would slip and fall into that particular sin. This coming from a woman who at age 19 was kicked out of the house by my grandmother because she was pregnant. Who also was then four months pregnant when she got married (not to the guy who fathered the first child). This woman KNOWS temptation and knows that being close to God isn't always going to cut it.


So what happened? Last year her own daughter announced she was pregnant at age 20. She had to leave NYU and return home. Why? Because she wasn't informed about BIRTH CONTROL.

My own mother never discussed birth control with either me or my siblings. Why? Because as good Christians we would never be tempted enough to go down that path of destruction. Realistically, it's AMAZING that my mother is not now a grandmother. My sister was having unprotected sex at age 14. I can't even tell you how scary that was to find out.


I know that this is a difficult and totally embarrassing topic to have with your children, but seriously would you rather have this conversation or the one where you are showing your 16-year old kid the proper technique for diapering a child??

just saying...

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

WAR has been declared

On toilet seat covers that is.
Or at least on how and when to use them.

The "Ladies" room on my office floor is used frequently. This probably has something to do with the fact there's only a handful of men and about 40 women who work on this floor.

Recently there's been a flurry of signage being posted on the restroom (well a "flurry" being that the only other time was when a note was stuck to the can of disinfectant).

About 6 weeks ago someone posted this sign on the toilet seat cover dispenser:

If you use a toilet seat cover, would you please remove it after use for those of us coming after you. Thank you.

Now, I've never noticed that this was an issue...but someone must have been pissed off by someone one too many times and in their self-righteous fury wrote a note to the anonymous toilet-seat-cover-leaver-behind. I really didn't think much about it except when I noticed that all of a sudden there was ALWAYS a toilet seat cover left behind. Someone was deliberately leaving them behind JUST to piss the person off...which happens when someone tries to enforce stupid "rules" on a populace who just doesn't give a fuck.

Whatever. Made me giggle.

About 3 weeks ago a new sign was posted. This time on the door INSIDE the stall.

If you do not use a toilet seat cover, and do not sit down, please lift the toilet seat, so that the next person doesn't have to wipe it off. --Thank you.

Again, never noticed this was a problem. And all it did was cause people to pissed off that someone felt the need to issue "rules" to all us "idiots" because in their eyes we haven't mastered the art of peeing INTO a public toilet.

But the weird thing is the sign was only posted in one stall and not the other (I hate the other stall because my legs dangle and who likes to have their legs dangle when they pee?!?). Does this mean there's a random person going to just that one stall and peeing all over the seat before leaving??

I just seriously can't comprehend someone caring so much about this that they would take time out of work to write up signs and post them.

I know you are now wondering if I do use a toilet seat cover or not...