:: m a y h e m b y m i s s m ::

do you have any idea how hard it is some mornings to make a glass of water without vomiting?!?

Friday, December 30, 2005

you thought your tree had issues

yup. my family's tree was leaning at a dangerous angle.
i was constantly surprised that it didn't fall over every time i breathed on it or when the dog walked by it.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

the MOST amazing thing ever

So when I got home last night exhausted from travel and my family, I found something rather unexpected in my mail. It was an envelope from The Playaz.

Inside was unmarked cd and no note. VERY suspect.

Nonetheless I played the cd and I almost peed my pants from laughter. It was The Playaz Christmas Ball photos set to some awesome music.

Thanks to The Playaz for making me laugh after a stressful trip home.

p.s. - next time you should write "Play Me" on the cd.

Only Old People Go to Reno

Two-thirds of the passengers on the plane from Denver to Reno were over 70.

And the winner is...


For the Best Smelling Airport Restrooms Ever!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

where you can gamble while you shop

yup. tomorrow i head out west to visit my mother, sister, and brother...in the bastard cousin of vegas: reno

(i personally like to call reno "the poor man's vegas")

no, i don't gamble.
no, my family doesn't do snow sports / activities.
no, my family doesn't drink (except my brother, but that's a WHOLE other story).

this is going to be one long visit.

pity me.
miss me.
mock me.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

if you're drunk and you know it

clap your hands.

good holiday party.
more drinking to follow.

i better get some action out of it and not be a third wheel forever.

Friday, December 16, 2005

so i was chit-chatting away on the phone to a friend of mine when my other line started ringing and it was my boss. so i hung up on my friend to talk to my boss. she needed me to help her with something.

at least she started off the conversation with "i know this is a silly question."

boss: hi. i know this is a silly question.

me: okay. what is it?

boss: how do you make a sad face in an e-mail?

me: [shaking with contained laughter that threatens to erupt into a cackle at any moment]

boss: where would i find it?

me: um, well, as outlook uses word you should have no problems making it. just hit the colon key and then the "shift" key and "9" key.

boss: huh?

me: you know...to make a left parenthesis?

boss: oh. okay, it worked, but it made a happy face instead.

me:you need to type in the left parenthesis.

boss: wow! it worked! thanks!

i'm still laughing.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

these are a few of my favorite things

favorite swear word:

favorite swear word at work (where i "try" to keep it clean):
"son of a whore"

favorite moment from yesterday:
wishing i was a boy so i could tell someone to suck my balls

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

spam of the day

"indigestible shod"

hmmm...i didn't realize that "shod" was something that people tried to digest on a regular basis.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

i hate people

fucking sons of whores.

good way to start off the day...

nothing like having a mentally-challenged person yell at you first thing in the morning to put you in a delightful mood.

life. is. good.

Monday, December 12, 2005

things I learned this weekend…

1. It IS possible for me to drink, vomit a little in my mouth, and continue to drink without changing the expression on my face.

2. Perhaps flip-flops aren’t a good alternative when one doesn’t want to wear heels back and forth from a party when there is still icy snow on the sidewalks.

3. Making the decision to either eat OR drink at a party (but not both) is considered null and void when éclairs are thrown into the mix.

4. I’m not the only one who has Bernice, the CVS Employee as an arch-nemesis.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Transexuals, Town 'Hos, and Steve

I spent my two-hour delay this morning watching a delightful portion of the Jerry Springer Show entitled "Transexuals, Town 'Hos, and Steve." It was everything I wanted and more!

I then met up with a friend for a leisurely breakfast at McDonald's.

How did you spend your extra two hours this morning?

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

kitten-based entry

In response to Matt's request that I have "fewer phallic posts and more kitten based entries" I have included a kitten-based photo.

This is what you wanted, right?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

a visit to the most photographed lighthouse in the US

so this past weekend i took a trip to maine. i needed something that wasn't holiday or family-oriented...and i've never been to great state of maine.

i wasn't there very long (friday late afternoon to sunday morning), but i had a great time.

i was forced to learn the names of trees, never saw a moose, never got into acadia national park (the road to the top of some mountain was closed and there was no way i could possible "hike" up there), and forced to survive without tv.

but seriously, i had an amazing time. the state is so freaking beautiful. AND i saw my first lighthouse ever! i thought it was going to be like in the movies, where it's HUGE and you get to walk to the top. but no, it was small. but according to the sign posted near the lighthouse it is the most photographed lighthouse in the US (it is located in Bass Harbor)...and would a sign lie to me?!?

Friday, December 02, 2005

quote of the evening

"All great things start with 'boo:' booze, boobs, and boots!"

tramp up those eyes!

you know it was a good night when you wake up the next morning half naked and cuddling your wallet.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

now this is the hotness!

I don't think i've ever seen anything as beautiful as this:

(i mean, it's just gorgeous! woof!)

you can read the full story about the wonders of Hubble and the Crab Nebula here.