"But I'm a POLITE prostitute"*

*as quoted by FreshMeat as we were debating whether she was a Victorian prostitute turned vampire or Victorian vampire posing as a prostitute to lure her victims.

I spent most of my Saturday busing it around the town as FreshMeat and I were trying to finalize our costumes. She had scored an awesome costume at the Arena Stage costume sale a few weeks back. I was still struggling to feel inspired and quickly failing.

Luckily at our very last stop (the crappy CVS in the ghettohood) I totally scored an awesome wig and started to craft a "space cowboy" or "cowboy from the future" costume.

FreshMeat and I started the evening right by splitting a bottle of champagne before heading to Millie & Al's to meet up with the GrammarQueen and her boyfriend (not in costume. the shame!). Later on we headed to Heaven & Hell where we spent most of our time in Purgatory dancing our asses off.

We did take a mini-break to run down the street for street pizza, where we apparently offended some guy dressed as a referee (with brown stains all along the bottom of his shirt...he never did tell us what it was) as he THREW his pizza crust at us.

Eh.

Back to more dancing...and finally passing out in full makeup. Luckily none of it smeared onto my sheets.

I think I just peed my pants from excitement

thank you that girl for finding this!

i can now log into all my different chats (aol, msn, yahoo, and gmail) from ONE application. how fucking cool is that?!

and it's FREE!

but, alas, it's only for the cool kids (a.k.a. mac users).

my life has no meaning

i just spent the entire morning arguing about whether or not a "hair space" is needed by a slash.

is this really what my life has turned into?

Oh, Craigslist! How I love thee!

Special thanks to FreshMeat for pointing out this gem!

I wonder if anyone will respond...

I'm a SLIGHTLY paranoid freak

So last night I hated everything in my frig and decided to go out for food instead of what I have been doing this week and having vodka for dinner.

So I went out and purchased something with my debit card. While I was waiting for my food, I put my receipt down to get something out of my bag. Then the next thing I know some guy walks up and steals my receipt. I'm stunned and not ballsy enough to ask him what THE FUCK he was doing. I then spent the next 5 minutes terrified that he was somehow going to get my personal information. I called several friends who talked me off my ledge.

But meanwhile, what out for the Receipt Bandit!



update: yay! i finally was able to upload a photo of the Bandit.

Dragtastic!

So last night FreshMeat, Vez, Meggers, and VCakes all trooped out to 17th Street to catch some race action. Of course we first stopped by The Fox and Hounds for much needed refreshments. Unfortunately the refreshments kept us inside for too long and by the time we got out we couldn't get a decent spot. Oh, and I immediately lost just about everyone in the crowd. But regardless, the parade and the race was amazing! I just love this event!



unfortunately, my camera didn't love this event. most of the images (shot by FreshMeat as she sat on top of a trash can) are dark and blurred. but enjoy!

High Heels and Vodka!How are YOU spending tonight?

One of my favorite D.C. events is the annual High Heel Race down 17th Street.

You can read all about last year's race on DCSC, where we all had an awesome time.

The race starts at 8, but I'll be downing the vodka early. Hope to see some of you out tonight

Seriously. How many twists can one movie have?!?

On Saturday FreshMeat and I saw The Prestige. If you know nothing about the movie it's basically a story of two magicians each trying to outdo the other. What started off as a friendly rivalry turns deadly and twisted.

It was an interesting movie, but the biggest complaints are that it's a bit too long and there are WAY too many twists. FreshMeat and I spent our entire lunch trying to figure what the hell exactly happened.

But regardless, Christian Bale, who stole my young heart in Newies, is still HOT.

Fuck! This day is never going to end...

But thanks to FreshMeat I can now while away the minutes trying to improve my geography skillz.

This is freakin' hard.
Good luck.

I don't think I've ever seen a banana that big*

*get your mind out of the gutter.

So I got my first delivery from Washington Green Grocer.



I received a pineapple, two gala apples, black grapes, grape tomatoes (2 boxes), 4 BIG ASS bananas, cucumber, 3 potatoes, 2 HUGE red bell peppers, and delicata squash.

Wow! I have A LOT of cooking to do this weekend to make sure I use all this food. So far I've only tasted the black grapes and they are so FREAKIN' delicious!

p.s. - yes, that is all my counter space that my shithole apartment supplies me.

Some people might call me petty and childish.I prefer EVIL and childish.

Today I start the official Air Conditioning War of 2006.

AssDiver* complained yesterday that it felt stuffy in her office as if no air was getting in and did I notice a difference. As I sit in a cubicle farm and DON'T have my own personal office WITH a door, I responded snottily that I felt comfortable.

Apparently AssDiver decided to complain to maintenance about her problem. So this morning while I was in the staff meeting (which AssDiver came late to), someone stopped by and fiddled with MY thermostat stating that was part of the problem. I'm sorry, but MY thermostat only controls the air in the cubicle farm. HER thermostat controls the air in HER FUCKING office.

So AssDiver checks her thermostat and realizes she hadn't turned it down low enough to get the air started.

So when I get back to my desk the air is BLASTING. I check and those bastards set it at SIXTY-MOTHERFUCKING-EIGHT! So I immediately turn it back to 75.

Then I hear AssDiver complain to Hairadactyl** that the air was fine but now it's not.

So my plan is to fuck with the air all day and drive her insane.


I'm okay with being childish.

*so named by that girl due to an incident where AssDiver tried to get into the backseat of the car by putting her ass in first (instead of what normal people do and put their foot in first). She then promptly fell into the foot well where she remained stuck for a few minutes...like a crab on her back.

**so named during an outing with FreshMeat and that girl due to this person's enormous about of hair.

Friday's Happy Hour(a.k.a. The Night I took a Photo of the Toliet Paper Holder Because I Could)

Thanks to I-66 for hosting another lovely happy hour.



I had a rockin' good time and even got a few people to join me. So thank you that girl, FreshMeat, KBean, and Orphan for coming and braving the crowds at the Big Hunt.

And thank you Velvet for tempting me with your delicious cookies (is it me, or did that sound dirty?).



Here are selection of photos from that evening...enjoy!

Move over UnSafeway! I'm no longer dependent on you for my moldy tomatoes!

A friend at work suggested a really awesome service called Washington Green Grocers.

Every week (or every other week, etc.) they will deliver you a box of fruits and vegetables from local farmers. Days before the delivery they will e-mail (or call) you a list of produce they are delivering. See something on there that you are allergic to or really despise? You have the option to switch it out!

After drooling over their list, I decided to take the plunge and give it a try. Starting next week I will have fresh produce in my life again.

Hmmm...we'll see how long that lasts.

Come to tonight's blogger happy hour...or else...

we'll talk trash about your blog.
we're mean like that.

You can read all about it here and here.

You know you want to come...all the cool kids are doing it.

£10?!?! There better be some fucking amazing dead people in there!

Day Six

This was my last day in London before the drive to Munich. And as such, I crammed a lot into it. I don't think I ever walked so much in all my days.

I walked down to Westminster Abbey first. It was impressive, but overpriced. Plus it also continued my theory that the Marys (Mary I and Mary, Queen of Scots) got a raw deal (Mary I is buried with Elizabeth I and doesn't even get her effigy on top of her top. Yeah, I'm not a fan of Elizabeth I).

Then I dashed over to see the Changing of the Guards at Buckingham Palace. I winded my way through St. James's Park, past Downing Street, Big Ben, and Parliament to Tate Britain. I totally LOVED the Tate. Not only do they have an amazing collection, but they have the most AWESOME "tours" ever: "I'm hungover tour," "first date tour," and "I've just split up tour" are just a few. Then I quickly walked back to St. Margaret's and then to the National Gallery for their late night.



Then back to the hostel to await for my next adventure...Oktoberfest...and the Chunnel.

Post marked: North Pole

Okay.
I'm that person.

The person who buys holiday cards and never send them out.

I actually have holiday cards (for work people) from two years ago that I even addressed, but never wrote in them or sent them out.

Pathetic, right?

Well, I think I may have found my inspiration to get cards sent out on time (or just sent).


Did you know that you can have your cards postmarked from the North Pole?
 
To obtain this special mark, free of charge, follow these three easy steps:
 
1. Address, seal and place postage stamps on your cards;
2. Place your cards in a large envelope;
3. Send to the envelope to North Pole Christmas Cancellation, Postmaster, 5400 Mail Trail, Fairbanks, AK 99709-9999.
 
To ensure delivery in time for Christmas, your envelope should be received at the post office by December 15th.

Who is this person and why are they claiming to be me?

I started off my work day by actively ignoring the ever-increasing pile of shit that I have to do by checking who has linked to my blog (because I'm narcissistic like that. okay?).

I stumbled across this!

I have no idea how they found me.

I highly doubt they felt the need to put together a page of all the blogs out there that go by the name "Miss M."

So just what are these people up to?

Whose your dead celebrity soulmate?

This is hilarious!

Especially when you can tick that "elfish" is one of your ideal body types.


I got Billy the Kid as my soulmate...and who doesn't love a man who wears chaps?

I have more pictures of boobs than I know what to do with

Well, the long weekend treated me well.

Friday evening
I spent a rockin' evening at Carpool celebrating a good friend's birthday while these girls took photos of their cleavage while I was in the restroom.
well played, my friends. well played.



Saturday
I headed across the river (again!) for the Shirlington Oktoberfest. This time it was in celebration for Kbean's and Meggers' birthday. The event was actually fun and I didn't turn into an Oktoberfest snob!



In fact I "discovered" two new beers that I'm totally and utterly in love with, Brown Maredsous and Purple Haze. If anyone can tell me where I can find them in the D.C. area, I will forever write you drunk postcards.
Cross my heart.

go ahead. be a nasty bitch to me

then I get to tell everyone about here.

listen, I'm doing YOU a favor by trying to help YOU find out what's going on.
I don't have to do this.
I could avoid all your calls.
but no, I'm helping YOU out.

so why don't you cut the attitude and the tone.
I get enough of that shit from people here.


on a MUCH happier note:
I'm going out drinking and touching naked people tonight in honor of DCSC's birthday (it was yesterday)!
woooo hoooo!

London turned my snot black

back to some of my London adventures

Day Five
woof! I saw churches and museums and more churches and more museums.



I started off my walking down to the City of London to check out St. Bride's (which inspired a local baker to create what is now the tradition shape of a wedding cake based on the spire) and the creepy crypt where services are held. Then jetted off to see the Temple (closed) and St. Clement Danes (the church for the Royal Air Forces). Then continued down the Strand to the Courtauld Institute (which is free on Mondays from 10-2), which holds some beautiful work (even if their collection is small in comparison to others).



For lunch, I decided to take advantage of the Royal Opera House's free lunchtime concert (otherwise it's £8!!). Unfortunately I started to fall asleep during the performance. I don't think anyone noticed. At least that's whatI'mm telling myself.

In the afternoon I walked over to the Museum of London. If you haven't been there, please do yourself a favor and go. I've never seen a museum's display look so fantastic. PLUS they have a soundtrack for each era! How awesome is that?!?



I ended the evening with meeting up with a friend's friend. He took me to this place called I [heart] Vodka (it's like he knew me or something!). But I'm fairly certain he thought I was stupid as he felt the need to explain what a planetarium is and the story behind theCanterburyy Tales (even after I told him I had read some of them).

stop poking the motherfucking BEAR!

fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.

i hate.
just about everyone.

people can just suck it.
and suck it hard, bitch.



on another note, i came home last night after visiting a friend to find a notice taped to my apartment's front door stating that we were in violation of removal of waste and sewage. fucking idiots.

I still have rage inside

So either jet lag has forced all the pent up angry to be unleashed or vacation has made me forget how to channel my anger.

It's not pretty people.

I suggest you all run for cover.



On a lighter note, I woke up about midnight so disoriented that I thought I was in another hostel. Another hostel that had the EXACT same mirrors as I do. I was convinced that I had somehow packed up my mirrors and taken them with me. I had no idea how I was going to get them home.

it took me a full minute to realize I was home.


and I will leave you guys with this image that I took one night while out in London with FreshMeat and her friends. I pray that none of us is every "this girl."

Oh. Sweet. Jaysus.

I took 567 photos during my vacation!

holy shit.

It's going to take me a while to weed through them.

But I'll leave you with one of my favorites...taken while I was waiting to take the Jack-the-Ripper walking tour.

Oh, there's ketchup on my boob.So I guess you weren't staring at my chest.

I'm such a class act.

I just noticed that I have ketchup and potato all over my blouse and chest.
Because I'm pretty like that.

So I guess that old guy wasn't staring at my boobs when he was talking to me earlier. Just staring at my breakfast and wondering how anyone can walk around at work with a ketchup stain on her chest.

I'm back and giddy to be at work*

*obviously jet lag has made me insane

number of postcards sent: 39

number of postcards written while tipsy/under the influence/drunk/old school wasted: 16 (you guys enjoy those gems!)

number of white clothing that is now yellow: 3

number of items lost while traveling: 4

number of times i heard americans apologizing for being american: 173

number of drinks/shots/tastings i did at vinopolis with FreshMeat and her friend: 12 (and then we went out drinking some more)

number of times i laughed my ass off at Spamalot: 5,293 (Tim Curry is fucking hilarious!)

number of times i screamed with delight at finally being able to flat iron my hair so it doesn't look like the shit it has for the last 2 1/2 weeks: 7